Page 50 of Broken Wheels
Dixon inclined his head toward the bedroom door. “You going to be okay if we move this to somewhere more comfortable?”
Josh nodded, but to his surprise, Dixon didn’t move.
“No, I’m sorry. I need to know what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours. Both of us need to talk if we’re going to avoid misunderstandings or miscommunication. So I’ll rephrase my question, and then you can answer it.” He locked gazes with Josh. “Will you be okay if we go into the bedroom?”
Josh smiled. “Yeah, please. I want to.”
Dixon took Josh’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before leading him to the door.
Oh, God. This is really happening.
Dixon came to a halt. “Hey, you tensed up. If you don’t want this?—”
“No! I do.” Damn his nerves. “I really do. It’s just….” He closed his eyes.
Dixon’s arms enfolded him in a heartbeat, and Josh leaned into him, conscious of being safe, protected….
“I know. It’s your first time. It’s okay to be nervous.” Dixon chuckled. “You should’ve seen me my first time.”
He blinked. “You were nervous?”
Dixon laughed. “Like you wouldn’t believe. But I’ll make you a promise. If at any time you feel uncertain, you say the word and we stop. I won’t be angry or upset or hurt.” His fingers were gentle on Josh’s neck. “Taking care of you is my main priority, and if you aren’t feeling it, then we don’t move forward.” He leaned in and kissed Josh again, soft and gentle. “Consent is where it’s at, baby.”
That one word had the power to unravel him.
He let Dixon lead him through the door, stopping to kick off his shoes as he always did, his heartbeat racing when they reached the bed. “There is something we need to discuss. Before we do… anything.” Dixon gave him an inquiring glance, and Josh’s cheeks burned. “Protection? I mean, we’ll need some, right? I know I have no experience to speak of, but?—”
Dixon stopped his words with another kiss. Then he smiled. “Safety first, Doc. I like that.” He patted the mattress. “Sit.”
Josh did as he was told, and Dixon sat beside him.
“Okay. First thing you need to know is that I’m on PrEP. You know what that is, right?” He grinned. “What am I saying? You know everything.”
Josh relaxed a little. “Yeah, I know what it is.” And knowing Dixon took care of himself only added to his assumptions.
I can depend on him. And when was the last time Josh had depended on anyone?
“Good. Now for the second thing.”
He couldn’t resist. “Can I ask how many things are on this mental list you’re working through? Will we still be talking in an hour’s time?”
Dixon’s pupils enlarged. “I know exactly what I hope we’ll be doing in an hour’s time, and it certainly won’t be talking.” He arched his eyebrows. “Do I continue?”
If the lump of solid flesh behind Josh’s zipper could speak, it would probably have yelled for Dixon to get a move on. “Yes,” Josh croaked.
“Okay. I get tested regularly for STIs. I have my CrossBow physicals, just like you, but every three months, I have another test because I’m on PrEP.”
“Do I get tested?” He’d look into PrEP too.
Dixon nodded. “It’s a good routine to get into.”
“So you don’t use condoms?” Josh had often thought he’d die of embarrassment at the mere thought of walking into a drugstore and purchasing them. Then again, he’d never envisaged needing them. “Don’t they prevent STIs?”
“Sure, but they’re not absolutely reliable. I used to use them, until one time when I hooked up with a guy who—” He broke off. “Am I okay to talk about past guys I had sex with? Because if that makes you feel uncomfortable, then?—”
Josh bit his lip. “If you’re going to go into graphic, blow-by-blow descriptions….” He chuckled. “Yeah, okay, bad word choice. If you’re going to do that, then no, I am not okay with it. But if it’s something you feel is important, then tell me.” He smiled. “You were saying…. This guy….”
Dixon relaxed his shoulders, and Josh knew he’d said the right thing.