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The smile on his face fades as he looks at me. The light mood shifting to something thicker. I don’t know what this look means.
“What is it?”
His eyebrows pull together, creasing his forehead. “I think I need to tell you about someone.”
I sit up, giving him room to sit up too, and wait. My skin feels too tight as I prepare myself for a story he obviously has big emotions about. It doesn’t feel like a happy story either.
“When I was sixteen, there was a girl who lived a street over from me. Her name was Emma and I was in love with her.” Nick lifts his head to lock eyes with me. Dread fills me for him. I don’t know what happened to this girl, but it clearly still haunts him.
As he tells me the story of this girl, he reaches for my hand. I don’t hesitate to intertwine our fingers, giving him any comfort I’m able to. He tells me about the bruises, about the tears, and the fears. My heart hurts for him, for the pain he clearly still carries.
“The last time I saw her, I gave her my football necklace. It meant the world to me and I wanted her to have physical proof that she mattered to me.” Nick gets off the bed and digs through his bag for a minute before coming back to sit next to me on the bed. He squeezes it in his hand for a minute before opening it to show me the tarnished chain with a football helmet charm hanging from it. “One of the other kids in the house brought it to me when I tried to pick her up for school. He told me she had left but wanted me to have that back.” His glassy eyes meet mine. “She didn’t leave. She’s still there somewhere. Lost in the woods where that bastard hid her.”
The vein in his jaw jumps when he clenches his jaw and a tear falls from his eye.
“I’m telling you this because I need you to know that you’re not the only one scared. The last person I loved was taken from me. There one day and gone the next.” He sucks in a shuddering breath. “And what I feel for you is so much bigger. I’m terrified of losing you but I’m taking the risk because having you is worth it.”
June
Graduation
Nerves hum along my skin as I wait for my turn to get my diploma. The purple gown and cap feel weird. How are they not heavier? Graduating from college should feel heavier, shouldn’t it? The necklace in my pocket is heavy. I got the football necklace cleaned and replated for Nick and I can’t wait to give it to him.
At twenty-five, I should have my life figured out, right? I’m an adult, about to have a degree, was the captain of my hockey team, but I feel like a kid pretending to be an adult. Is that normal?
“Joey Carpenter.” My name is announced but I don’t hear anything past the rushing of my heartbeat in my ears. I walk up the stairs, shake hands with some people I couldn’t care less about, take the diploma, move my tassel, and leave the stage.
The grin stretching my face almost hurts it’s so big. I fucking did it. Somehow, against a fuck ton of odds, I did it. On my way back to my seat, I look around for Nick, but I don’t know where he’s at. I want him with me, though.
The rest of the names are called, there’s a short speech, and we’re introduced as the latest graduating class of Darby University. Everyone throws their caps, standing and cheering, and I’m right along with them. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders, a sense of pride for accomplishing this.
“Carppy!” I turn when I hear my teammates yelling my nickname after we’ve been released into the wild. Brendon tackles me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and forcing a grunt from me when the hit takes the air from my lungs. “Congrats, Cappy Cap!”
I laugh and give him a hug. “Thanks.”
Jeremy and Paul both give me hugs too; Preston gives me a handshake and growls when I hug Jeremy.
“Not gonna be the same without you next year,” Jeremy says.
“You were a great captain.” Paul pats my shoulder.
“P Dawg cannot be captain next year. He would kill all of us.” Brendon shudders and we all laugh except Preston. He just rolls his eyes at Brendon’s nickname.
The rest of the team surrounds us, giving me slaps on the back, words of encouragement, and wishes of good luck, until my sister's shrill scream cuts through the crowd.
“Joey!”
Charlotte and Matt are smiling at me, both give me hugs, and start dragging me away from the crowd. I quickly scan the crowd but I don’t see Mom. Not that I really expected her to come, but a small part of me was hopeful. I haven’t spoken to her since I walked out of her house during spring break. Char said she hasn’t talked to Mom either besides to tell her off. It didn’t go well for anyone, apparently. Matt was staying with her for a while but has moved out and gotten a job. I’m so proud of both of them.
“Beers at Rocky’s tonight!” Brendon yells, and I give him a thumbs-up.
“When do you guys leave for Washington?” Matt asks as we head toward the prearranged meetup spot I have with Nick.
“Next week,” I tell him but the second I lay eyes on my man, I run for him. He meets me halfway and we slam into each other. “We did it.”
“We did. I’m so proud of you, baby.” Nick cups the back of my neck and squeezes.
“Right back at you.” I kiss his cheek. “I love you.”