Page 46 of Nocte
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. But I can’t look at him anymore. All I can do is stare at a shadowy corner that remains empty.
Give me a day,he said.
A lie. He will take an eternity and never return. I ruined it—the only chance I’ll ever have. I’m so stupid. Stupid.
“Look at me!” Day snatches my shoulder and wrenches me around to face him—but it hurts. His nails scrape at my flesh and sting. There isn’t any mocking careful care. He slams me into the wall, his expression furious, teeth bared. “After everything I’ve done for you! Everything I’ve been willing to risk. You treat me like some dust beneath your feet.”
“I’m sorry,” I rasp. Because he is wrong. Day could never be beneath me. I will always be below him. In every aspect. Every way.
I could never see him as my equal. He isn’t some unwanted creepy, shadow thing. He isn’t a man with white hair and red eyes that peer into my soul and make me quake. Day is no risk to me. He doesn’t threaten to shatter my pathetic, imaginary place in the world. He doesn’t make me want to sin.
“I think I know why,” he snarls, his voice uncharacteristically cold.
My heart stops. Does he?
“Someone else has come in here to see you, haven’t they?” His green eyes peer into me, probing and accusatory.
Breathless, all I can do is sway. Can’t speak. Can’t deny.
“Who is it?” he wonders. “Some nosy lower fae? Tell me!”
Air trickles into my lungs again. He doesn’t know. Not truly.
“No one,” I whisper. “No other fae.”
He isn’t appeased. He starts to pace, jaw clenched, hands twitching at his sides. “You’re lying to me. You never lie! Not to me!” His voice rings out, far too loud. He’ll draw notice. Attention. He’ll get himself banned from ever visiting the archives.
Fear is why I do the only thing I can think of to calm him. I sink to my knees, head bowed. “I’m so sorry,” I croak to the floor, and I mean it. I am. “I don’t deserve your visits, but I cherish them. I do. I’m sorry.”
He stops. I look up to see him smoothing his robes with self-assured hands. His head is high again, confidence assured again. But… Something is wrong with him. It’s obvious in the way he holds his head and the way he looks at me. Creeping, glancing looks that travel up and down the length of me.
I stand. Then, I cross my arms over my chest and huddle in my robe. I don’t know why. I am dust. He is a Day, a fae, my dearest one of my blood. So why is he staring at me? Watching me?
Why do I press myself into the wall as though I aim to squeeze through every cracked and crumbling bit of stone? My heart races. Something is wrong. Very wrong.
“I am so very sorry, Day,” I say, my voice thick. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You are right. I have been awful to you. You don’t deserve it.”
He nods in agreement. I have been awful, treating him in a way he doesn’t deserve. But why…
He’s still looking at me in that strange, calculating way and I don’t know why.
“Tell me what’s been distracting you and I may forgive you,” he says.
I lower my head in contrite thought. Liar. I’m hiding my face from him. Hiding my shame from him. Hiding how I lie.
“It’s just the ceremony,” I say, my voice rasping. “I don’t want to disappoint the Lord Master.”
Even if I don’t know what my “role” will be. Even if I haven’t thought of it once since the night a monster crept into the courtyard and taunted me with temptation. The ceremony is one of only three important days of the year and I haven’t thought of it once.
Day sighs. It isn’t like him. He’s anxious and on edge, but I am a small part of his irritation. “You don’t know, do you?” he says.
I shake my head, my gaze still downcast. “My role? No, I don’t.”
“Not your role,” he snaps. How dare I even assume he meant me. “Mine.You really don’t understand it, do you? I saw the book and thought you understood. I saw the book and thought you knew what was at stake.”
The book. The historical reference on prior battles? No. I know the answer even before I look up and catch him glaring angrily toward that shelf in the middle of the archives. That taboo subject. The one I read only to entertain a price only a vamryre would request from me.
Why does Day care? Because it is sinful of course. Shameful. He’s afraid my indiscretion will infect him as well.