Page 53 of Heartless
“Just like your decision that we should move!”
“That wasn’t spur of the moment, and you know it. I’m doing this for you, babe. For us.”
“You’re doing it for your damn self!”
“MJ, I can take you to see it tomorrow. I told you. It’s no biggie.”
His efforts to appease me are pissing me off.
“I don’t want to look at the stupid house! I want to stay here in my home!”
“Where you don’t feel safe because you’re scared your attacker may have followed you home at some point? Where you always said that any fucking thing can happen because we’re not living in a gated community? Where you’re scared to walk out of the door?”
Grabbing my glass of tea, I throw it at him. “Fuck you, Onyx!”
He dodges it, but it doesn’t miss him. His shirt is stained, and a few droplets speckle his face, and it drips from his beard. When he jumps up and rushes me, my heart races and not in a good way. For the first time fear fills me as to what my husband is about to do.
Onyx jerks me out of the chair by my arm and gets in my face. The warmth from his breath isn’t as potent as the words coming from his mouth.
“The fuck is wrong with you, huh? I’m trying to do everything that I can to make you happy, and it’s never good enough! You want me to leave, MJ? Huh? If so, just say the fucking words! Say it! Because you’re doing everything you can to push me the fuck away, and I’m getting tired! You’ve become cold and heartless. You don’t give a damn about me or my feelings anymore!”
“Let me go then,” I whisper. “Just let me go. I don’t want to be in this marriage anymore.”
He stares furiously at me for several seconds before he releases me and storms away. I remain in the dining room until I hear him slam out of the house several minutes later.
I’m wrong for the way that I’m treating him, but inside I’m shut down. It’s like I don’t care about anything. A part of me wants to punish him for his wealth, for making my father right in his judgment about this family, and for what happened to me.
I honestly believe that if it weren’t for Onyx’s family, I wouldn’t have been attacked, and I wouldn’t be suffering from anxiety and panic attacks at every turn.
Worse still, our marriage wouldn’t be fractured.
I don’t know if I can save my marriage anymore. Worse still is that I don’t know if I want to.
***
She’s wearing an orange silk dress with black stilettos. Her dress clings to her curves, and everything about her is exotic, from the curl of her hair to the mole at the corner of her lips to the way that she moves.
She’s not just beautiful; she’s stunning. For the first time, I feel dowdy and plain. My five-four-toned but lithe frame looks boyish beside her five-eight thick and curvy one. It doesn’t help that today, I opted for a tank top paired with leggings and thong sandals.
This woman is sensual and seductive all at once, and her perfume is expensive. I think about how Onyx always urges me to splurge on myself, and I’m always hesitant.
I seldom use the black card that he’s given me but choose to use the money in my bank account from what I earn. The only time that I’ll use that card is to purchase things for the house, but never for myself and never for Onyx.
It feels weird spending his money on him to buy something for him, so I don’t. Spending his money on myself feels frivolous. But right now, I wish that I’d taken that damned black card and bought myself the sexiest dress that I could find to accent my body and a pair of stilettos to pump my ass to the next level.
My fingers toy with my thick, curly hair that I slicked back into a ponytail. It’s hotter than normal for late June, so my hair is frizzing a bit.
“Mrs. Maxwell, do you like it?” she asks.
I look up at the framed artwork in the main lobby.
I ventured out of the house today, trying to deal with my anxiety. I’d stopped by to surprise Onyx with lunch today and had to wait for several long minutes while he finished a meeting.
When he finished the meeting, Sharla came down the hall from the conference room, but he hadn’t. She stated that he had gone to use the restroom and had to stop by someone’s office, but he should be back to his office soon.
I was speaking with Alicia, Onyx’s executive administrative assistant when Sharla stopped by.
She was friendly enough, and so was I at first. That is until Onyx stepped out of his office, and his eyes rested on her and then me.