Page 41 of Impossible Rapids

Chapter

Eleven

Shawn stewed as he sat by the fire. Cash and Brylee spoke quietly together and watched him with concern for as long as he could stand. Was it obvious how churned up he was inside and how deeply he yearned to be with Julie?

“Pardon me,” he murmured as he sprang to his feet and strode toward Julie’s tent. He could hear Hays and Julie talking but couldn’t make out what they said.

Quieting his steps, he approached and saw Hays wrap her up in his arms. He froze. He should retreat. They were hugging. They were together. Hiding out to steal tender kisses where he and the cameras couldn’t see them. His fears had been confirmed. His stomach churned.

He couldn’t get his feet to move, and he heard Julie say in a regretful tone, “I just wish we could be together now.”

Shawn’s chest hurt. She wanted to be with Hays right now. What was stopping them? Their worry over their friend Shawn? He wouldn’t keep them apart. No matter how badly he wanted to. He would be the bigger man, not the cold, angry jerk he’d portrayed to the world to keep Mercedes safe.

Unselfish. Unselfish. Please Grayson and Mercedes help me.

“I think it’ll happen sooner than you can imagine,” Hays reassured her.

“Oh, I hope so.”

Julie’s voice was full of hope, but then she sniffled. She was crying. Ah … A knife sliced through his fractured heart. He had to help her and Hays be together. He had to.

Glancing over at the two of them in their intimate embrace about ripped him apart. Hays was the epitome of tough but tender, the man every woman would want. Who would want a closed-off, cold Viking when they could have a man like Hays? Not Julie, and he didn’t blame her. All that mattered was their happiness. Not his.

Hays kissed her forehead, and Shawn’s hands naturally clenched into fists. He wanted to go rearrange his friend’s handsome face. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He was such a mess.

Please help me not to be the jerk.

Hays released Julie, and she slipped into the tent. Shawn prayed for strength and unselfishness. He’d been unselfish for the past few years, always putting Mercedes’s needs above his own and pretending to be in a romantic relationship with her. He could pretend again, steel his heart and not allow himself to so much as look longingly at Julie so Hays and Julie could be together. They were most likely holding off because they could see how Shawn wanted her in his life and his heart. Maybe they didn’t want to hurt him while he was healing from losing Mercedes and dealing with all the pressures of the inheritance and becoming a billionaire. They were the best of friends to him. Shawn had to bury his selfish desires. Right now.

Hays turned to walk back to his camp. Shawn hurried after him.

Turning at his footsteps, Hays was ready to take down an intruder, but his face instantly broke into a welcoming smile. “My brother.” He gave Shawn a quick embrace and Shawn felt even more awful for being jealous and wanting to steal Julie from him. “Everything all right?”

“Sure.”

Shawn tilted his head up into the thick woods. A mountain lion might leap on them or a bear might come out, but he’d take those risks any day over Julie or the camp’s cameras picking up their conversation.

They walked into the growth and then stopped and turned to face each other. It was dark in the forest, but Shawn could see his friend well enough. “Hey,” he said before he could wimp out. “I can see that you and Julie are into each other. Don’t let anything hold you back and don’t worry about me. She’s incredible, and she’d be lucky to have you.”

“Me and Julie?” Hays sputtered. Then he started laughing.

Shawn’s hands curled into fists. He might get a chance to brawl with his friend after all. “Don’t you dare laugh about Julie,” he threatened. “Sure, you’re an elite, ultra-handsome SEAL lieutenant and I know women go insane over you, but you’d be blessed to have Julie love you.”

“Shawn.” Hays’s mirth settled, and he grasped Shawn’s shoulders.

Shawn almost shrugged him off or started throwing punches, but he waited. Unselfish. That was his motto, but if Hays didn’t appreciate or love Julie, all bets were off. Shawn might have a chance if Hays wasn’t ready to worship the ground she walked on. He would fight for her. Yet … he couldn’t make a play for her for a while. Months, maybe years.

“Julie and I are great friends. I would be very blessed to have a woman like her love me, but she doesn’t. She loves you.”

Now Shawn did shake off Hays’s grasp. “Don’t,” he snarled. “I know what I’ve seen. You tucking her in to her tent every night. You hugging her. I overheard her say she wished you could be together now. So be together and stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll support you.” No matter how it killed him.

“Shawn.” Hays shook his head, and his tone said Shawn was an idiot.

Shawn knew he’d probably lose the fight, but his hand curled into a fist and anticipation of the release of frustration filled him.

“You missed most of the conversation. She was talking about you. She loves you and doesn’t think you can be together.” Hays gave him a significant look. “I understand you both need time to mourn Mercedes, but you should at least admit the truth to Julie.”

Shawn couldn’t respond. He could hardly comprehend what Hays was saying. He’d sworn not to admit even to Jagger, Hays, or Julie the truth of his relationship with Mercedes. Hays didn’t love Julie and Julie didn’t love Hays? He staggered as the earth shifted beneath his feet. Did he have a chance with her still?