Page 23 of My Carmilla
“Darling,” she said sadly. “That is not my doing. I swear to you.”
“How can I trust you?”
“I’ll prove it to you. Pick those flowers.” She pointed to the verbena growing near the lake.
I picked the flowers and offered them to her, unsure of how this was supposed to prove anything. She stilled, taking a breath, then dipped her finger into the flower’s mouth. Her skin burned, turning mottled.
“Carmilla—what’s happening?”
She hissed in pain. “This is vervain. It makes us weak, hinders us from using our powers. I cannot thrall you under this. Now, ask me a question.”
“Did you thrall me to love you?”
“No,” she whispered. Blood trickled down her finger where the skin had burned.
I wrenched the flowers from her. A storm of emotions warred within me.
“This makes little difference, I know. How foolish I was.” Carmilla barked a hollow laugh and swiped her wounded hand at a rose bush. One of the roses fell to my feet. “Thinking you could ever love a vile creature like myself. A monster spawned from eternal night, forever cursed to wander in the shadows and plague humanity.”
"You’re wrong,” I said, my voice a whisper. I cradled the fallen flower in my hand, and a trail of scarlet dripped from my pricked finger. "My heart still belongs to you. Thorns and all, you are the rose I chose.”
Carmilla’s eyes softened. “Love will have its sacrifices. No sacrifice without blood.” Gently, she brought my finger to her mouth and sucked the blood away. “I love you.”
“Come with me,” I said, and we walked into the lake. The moon glinted against the water, a pale reflection of the life I once knew.Moonlight bathed us in a silvery glow, and the cool water enveloped us, a baptism of our bond forged under the watchful eye of the moon. We emerged from the water, hand in hand, and I felt reborn, revitalized by the shared experience of our moonlit baptism.
Her crimson lips parted and leaned in. There was no resisting the pull. I tilted my head upwards, meeting her lips in a kiss as natural as the sun sinking below the horizon.
“Laura.”
I jerked my head at the strangled cry. Madame Perrodon stood at a distance, a hand over her mouth.
I recoiled. Carmilla shifted into the shadows, transforming into her monstrous form and quickly disappearing.
“Demon…” Madame Perrodon's voice cracked.
A cold dread settled over me. There was no turning back. No amount of explanation could erase the terror etched across Madame Perrodon's face.
My governess breathed hard, staring at the empty shadows where Carmilla had stood a moment before. “To think I’ve nurtured a viper in my bosom. Two of them.” Her gaze swept towards me. The condemnation and disappointment in her eyes was a searing brand.
"Please," I said, taking a tentative step forward. "Carmilla… she's not what you think. She’s—"
"A monster," Madame Perrodon spat. “It is clear that this demon has possessed and perverted your mind. You need a priest. Exorcism."
The image of hooded figures chanting in Latin, holy water burning my skin, ripped through my thoughts. But it was the cold fire in Madame Perrodon's eyes that chilled me to the bone. A fire fueled by religious fanaticism and the burning desire to purge the "evil" from me.
I needed to explain, to make her understand the bond I shared with Carmilla, how I felt most myself when I was with her, how being apart from Carmilla felt like tearing a piece of my soul away. But the words wouldn't form; my tongue felt like lead.
Madame Perrodon grabbed my wrist, her grip tight. “You are fortunate that ours is a merciful God who forgives mortal sins. Recite the Act of Contrition, child. Ask the Lord to cleanse you.”
“I don’t need to be cleansed.”
She slapped my face, hard. “You will do as the Rite of Penance instructs. Repentance is a meager offering on the Lord’s altar after the transgressions you've committed.”
“Falling in love isn’t a sin.”
Eyes blazing, Madame Perrodon twisted my arm behind my shoulder. A white-hot bolt of pain lanced through me. I forced my lips to move.
“O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” Tears streamed down my face. “Amen.”