Page 68 of Becoming
“I LOVE THIS.” Rebecca settled back into Cassidy’s wet, naked body, letting the scent of the lavender bubbles relax her. Not that she needed to be any more relaxed. Cassidy pretty much turned Rebecca’s bones to jelly with a very healthy bout of fucking. After their round at the door, they moved to the bedroom though the change of scenery didn’t mean a change of pace. Cassidy was just as relentless. If she hadn’t also been attentive to Rebecca’s needs, Rebecca would have worried.
“I love you,” Cass breathed close to Rebecca’s ear, then kissed her neck. She had feared that she had gone too far with her aggression. Though Rebecca never complained, Cass drew a bath for her girlfriend to make up for her behavior. She even lit candles! Sure, the candles were something Rebecca brought in, but at least Cass thought to light them for her girl. Now, she was trying to use the ambience to relax. If only her mind would shut the fuck up.
After a brief time of silence, Rebecca sighed quietly. The question in her head wouldn’t go away, so she asked it aloud. “Were you punishing me?”
Cass lifted her head in alarm. “What?”
“You’ve been aggressive before, but never this silent. The only time you’re like this is when you are afraid to say something that might start a fight.” Rebecca sat up and turned to face her young lover, thankful that she was limber enough to do so in the small, clawfoot bathtub. “Are you mad at me that I never answered the question about children?” Since that’s when Cassidy’s silence truly began, it was only natural to think that’s what was bothering her.
Cass reached for Rebecca’s hands. “I’m not mad, baby. It’s just… do you not want children?”
Rebecca took a deep breath. What she revealed now could change everything. It could very well be Samantha’s final blow. Because if Cassidy left her now, Rebecca wasn’t sure she would ever fully recover.
“I—I can’t have children, Cassidy.”
Cass frowned. “Don’t say that, babe. Technology these days is amazing. Forget what my mom said. Women older than you are having healthy babies all the time.”
Though she cringed inside, Rebecca let out a laugh. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever made me feel old.” She pressed a hand to Cassidy’s mouth that was stuttering apologies and explanations. “Cassidy, I can’t have children. Samantha made sure of that. One of the surgeries I had that night was a hysterectomy,” she revealed softly, praying it wouldn’t be the thing that breaks them.
Cass sat back abruptly, sloshing the foamy water. “Shit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for!” Cass said immediately. God, she wished they weren’t in the tiny ass bathtub. She wasn’t as short as Rebecca and couldn’t maneuver herself at all. So, she went with the best solution. “Come here,” she demanded gently, holding her arms out to Rebecca.
Relief washed over Rebecca as she turned herself back around and allowed herself to be cocooned in Cassidy’s embrace. She could feel the swift cadence of Cassidy’s heart, affirming that the younger woman wasn’t at ease.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Rebecca was glad that she didn’t have to look into Cassidy’s eyes as she said this. She didn’t know if she could handle the disappointment. “Honestly? I had reconciled with the fact that I couldn’t have kids long before I met you. Then, it never came up between us. Maybe deep down I was scared to say it aloud.” She tilted her head to look up at Cassidy. “Is it a deal breaker?”
Cassidy shook her head, fighting tears that wanted to break free. But she couldn’t cry now. Though those tears would be for Rebecca’s tremendous loss, she didn’t want to cause any feelings of doubt or guilt. She kissed Rebecca’s temple.
“Not a deal breaker at all. Look, if, you know, down the road, we feel like kids are something we need in our lives, there are options.”
Rebecca raised a brow in surprise. “Would you carry them?”
Cass’s knee-jerk reaction was just that. A knee-jerk. Kids had crossed her mind before. Especially after falling in love with Rebecca. But her carrying them? “I, uh, don’t know about that. I was talking more about adoption. Millions of kids need homes. If we find ourselves in a position to take one in, maybe we could explore that avenue?”
Rebecca smiled. It was something to keep in mind. “How about we start with a dog.”
So, she’s a dog person!
“Or, a cat,” Rebecca continued, unwittingly screwing up Cassidy’s revelation.
“How about both?” Cass grinned, loving the feeling of Rebecca’s jiggling tits on her arms as Rebecca laughed. She barely resisted taking those gorgeous tits in her hands and squeezing them until Rebecca begged her to stop. Mmm. Rebecca begging. Cass cleared her throat. She knew Rebecca needed a little more “recovery” time after their latest romp. With that in mind, Cass veered her thoughts into a different direction. “Um, since we’re disclosing information, I have something to confess.”
“Oh?” Rebecca hated the sick feeling she got in the pit of her stomach. After a lifetime of disappointment, it was an involuntary response to things she had no control over.
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
“Cassidy, it’s never good to start off with that. Now, I’m going to think you’re going to say something terrible.”
“It’s not terrible!” Cass squirmed a little. She hoped Rebecca didn’t think it was terrible. “Remember that I did this because I love you.”
“Please, just tell me. Making me wait only has me creating my own scenarios and that’s never good.”
“Okay. Um. I went to Hunter and had her look at the autopsy report and she confirmed everything for me.” Cass spoke briskly, not even sure if she was making sense. But she certainly didn’t want Rebecca coming up with awful scenarios.