Page 43 of I Love My Mistake
(Let’s see what he does with this)
Me: Touching myself.
Sexy Bartender: Really?
Me: No. Okay, yes.
Sexy Bartender: Me too.
Me: Are you…?
Sexy Bartender: I am now.
Me: Describe it to me.
Sexy Bartender: I’m well endowed. And then some.
(Yeesh)
Me: And then some?
Sexy Bartender: Reaching the moon, it’s so big.
Me: Funny.
Sexy Bartender: Who says I’m being funny. I just poked the man on the moon in the eye.
(He’s killing my vibe.)
Me: Okay. Stop.
Sexy Bartender: You describe what you’re doing then…
(Get ready buddy)
Me: Okay. I’m sitting with my back to the wall in front of a mirror. My legs are spread… and other things.
Sexy Bartender: Holy shit. Go on.
(I doubt he can handle this, but let’s see)
Me: I’m wet. I’m dripping down my fingers as I touch the sweet warm slippery place between my legs.
Sexy Bartender: Fuck Friday. I want to come over now.
Me: Can’t wait. Why don’t you call me, so you can talk me through this?
Sexy Bartender: Can’t.
Me: Why not?
Sexy Bartender: I’m at Happy Hour with my buddies. Sorry.
(Which means he’s probably showing them my text. Awesome.)
Me: You’re fucking kidding me.
Sexy Bartender: I wish I was.