Page 43 of I Love My Mistake

(Let’s see what he does with this)

Me: Touching myself.

Sexy Bartender: Really?

Me: No. Okay, yes.

Sexy Bartender: Me too.

Me: Are you…?

Sexy Bartender: I am now.

Me: Describe it to me.

Sexy Bartender: I’m well endowed. And then some.

(Yeesh)

Me: And then some?

Sexy Bartender: Reaching the moon, it’s so big.

Me: Funny.

Sexy Bartender: Who says I’m being funny. I just poked the man on the moon in the eye.

(He’s killing my vibe.)

Me: Okay. Stop.

Sexy Bartender: You describe what you’re doing then…

(Get ready buddy)

Me: Okay. I’m sitting with my back to the wall in front of a mirror. My legs are spread… and other things.

Sexy Bartender: Holy shit. Go on.

(I doubt he can handle this, but let’s see)

Me: I’m wet. I’m dripping down my fingers as I touch the sweet warm slippery place between my legs.

Sexy Bartender: Fuck Friday. I want to come over now.

Me: Can’t wait. Why don’t you call me, so you can talk me through this?

Sexy Bartender: Can’t.

Me: Why not?

Sexy Bartender: I’m at Happy Hour with my buddies. Sorry.

(Which means he’s probably showing them my text. Awesome.)

Me: You’re fucking kidding me.

Sexy Bartender: I wish I was.