Page 82 of I Love My Mistake
We are all silent as we process what she’s said.
I look at Mark and he is melting, has no idea what to do. Jess falls into the booth and stares at the table. I choke out the only word I can, “No!”
Mark stares at me, and then he locks eyes with Chris, who’s turned around and looking at him. Mark is seeing for the first time the guy Jess ditched him for. And I feel like I’m going to throw up all over my purple dress. I wore it because he got me the purple flowers. I wore it for him… the guy my best friend fucked last time he was in town. She’s the woman who I’ve been insanely jealous of. The woman who he spent most of the time with, inside. The woman who helped him get the courage to make his dream a reality.She is Jessica. My Jessica. My sister.
Jess covers her face to hide from the hideousness of reality.
Mark stands at the empty seat, looking helplessly from me to Jess, to Chris.
“Do you want to sit down?” I choke.
He hesitates, looking around the table, all eyes on him. Chris says, “Hi. I’m not sure what’s happening. I’m Chris. Jess’s boyfriend.”
Mark forces a smile and holds out a hand. “Lucky man. Nice to meet you.” They shake hands. My mouth opens but no sounds come out.
Josh stands up and reaches over, with his widest, smile. “Hey man. Good to see you again.”
“Right. My jaw still hurts a little.”
“Funny,” Josh laughs. They shake hands over Chris’s head.
Mark sits and goes silent. Like the rest of us.
Mark and I can’t look away from each other, weighing everything that this means. What keeps going through my head is, he said ‘lucky man’…does he still want her? Why did he have to say that? My heart is a dull thud twisting hard, like a dirty rag wrung out after cleaning a disgusting floor. All of the happiness and pride I felt has been robbed from me. The silence would be deafening if not for the crowded room. All six of us sit, saying nothing… like we’re waiting for someone to tell us what to do.
Josh speaks first. “Umm… well…so, what brings you to New York, Mark? From San Francisco, I hear?”
“I’m meeting investors.” His eyes fall on Jess. “To get funding for an app idea I have.”
Jess looks at him in surprise, remembering their conversation. It’s apparent how clear that memory is for her. Acid hits the back of my throat.
“Excuse me.” I go to stand but Jess grabs my arm. I look at her, but she won’t meet my eyes.
Amber blurts out, “So, have you guys been having fun?” Then she hears how much that’s asking for trouble, and puts her hands over her mouth like a child. “Oh God.”
Josh comes to her rescue. “Amber just remembered she forgot to call her mom for her birthday.” He looks at her, purposefully. “You can call her now, babe.”
She smiles weakly. “Thanks. Yeah. It’s awful how forgetful I am.”
Mark and I lock eyes. He says, “It’s been incredible. A surprise.”
My stomach jumps into my throat. I’m so grateful to him for saying that! But Jess’s body goes rigid next to mine.
Jess looks to Chris. “Honey, what were you saying about the skyscraper you’re building?” It’s clear to everyone including Chris, that she’s trying to show how important he is. This childish maneuver doesn’t impress any of us. But Jess’s face is rock hard and chilling to look at. She is pissed.
Chris blinks and picks up his beer. He meets my eyes momentarily. “Mark… did you date Jess… or something? What’s going on?”
Amber, who was gulping wine, spits it all over Josh, a crystal-colored cascade of mortification.
Jess blurts, “Oh God.”
Josh calmly picks up a napkin to wipe off his face. Jess bursts into a fit of panic-giggles. Amber stands to wipe the table, the candle, and her boyfriend’s hair. I bust up laughing, too. Amber starts giggling and soon the three of us are losing our shit, none of us even knowing why. Mark and Chris watch like they’re on the outside of a zoo cage, looking in at the monkeys. We’re a mess.
Chris steels himself. “Guessed I asked the right question.”
Mark says, “No. I didn’t date her.”
Jess explodes with a fresh burst of laughter, guffawing outrageously. But the way she does it and the way he said that, stops me cold. He didn’t date her. No, he didn’t. Her recognition laughter very clearly says all they did was fuck.