Page 34 of Savage for You
“Okay, baby. I need to hold you though.”
I'm looking down while playing with the string on my sweatpants before I start talking, “My ex-boyfriend is Dylan Drake. He’s a tight end for Ohio State. That’s where I was before coming back to Minnesota, as you know. But my best friend, Holly, was also there with us. Let me preface this by saying, I have known this girl since we were in first grade.” I sigh and swipe away the tears that are rolling down my face.
“We started dating in high school, and I went to the same college to be with him. We didn’t have the perfect relationship, but he was all I knew. He was the first and only guy I’d ever been with. You know, I thought he would be my end game.” I look up and see his clenched jaw.
I sigh and continue on. “Before I moved back, my parents died…and when they did, I felt like a piece of me died with them. I closed myself off to him and everyone else. On my birthday, I woke up to a video text message.” I look him in the eyes when I tell him this next part. “It was a text from Holly, the person who was supposed to be my best friend and had been since we were five fucking years old. The video showed her riding Dylan’s dick. I went over and confronted them. He said it was because I had gained weight since my parents died and I hadn’t touched him in almost a year. I was so mad, because yes, I gained weight, but my parents had died, and I was depressed.”
“Baby.”
“No, let me get this out. Please.”
“I’d gained around forty pounds; I’ve always been a curvy girl and I’ve always loved my curves. My parents instilled in me the importance of loving my body and that there was nothing wrong with not being skinny. Everyone has different bodies. I hated myself for feeling like I was less than because he cheated on me. I had a pity party for one for about a week, then I got really mad and decided that no one will make me feel less than because of my weight. I have always loved working out, so I got back into it, and I started running, which I love. I didn’t lose the extra weight for anyone but myself. I love my curves and whoever is for me will love them too.”
I shrug my shoulders and look up at him and see him smiling at me.
“I’m sorry, but why are you smiling at me?”
“I’m not smiling because of what happened to you. Also, don't ever apologize for being hurt. Your feelings are valid. I’m thankful he fucked up, because then I wouldn’t have gotten a chance with you. I hate that they made you feel less than perfect. You could gain weight or lose it, but just know that I love your body. I love your curves; I love how my hands grip your thighs. I love how big your tits are, and I love how your body fits with mine. You are beautiful inside and out, and I’m so glad that you chose me. I promise I won't break your heart.”
“You mean it?”
“Pinky promise.”
He holds out his pinky and takes mine and links them together. This is our way of growing—building promises to engulf the flames of our hearts. Promises are heartbreaking, but when it comes to the ones that Rocky and I link our pinkies to, my heart no longer wants to break because I know I can trust him.
Crawling into bed, Rocky follows behind me with blankets in hand. His lays his head on the pillows as I rest my head on his chest. His arms wrap around me as my left hand rests on his stomach. Handing me the remote, I start scrolling through our selection.
But when I tell him I want to watch horror movies, he shakes his head. He over-exaggerates, horror movies are supposed to make you yell at the stupidity. But to say that he hates them is frightening. The words leaving his mouth are more frightening than the girl getting cut in half on TV. I mean, Rocky’s not wrong about the stupidity of people in horror movies, but that’s what makes them so much more enjoyable. I smile at the screen as he just shakes his head at me.
“You know I only watch these things because you like them so much,” he says halfway through the movie, while partially hiding his face.
“Don’t be such a baby,” I tease as I nudge his arm.
Honestly, we do more talking than actual watching. He’s wearing his glasses and I’ve never seen such an attractive man. He’s smart, gets great grades, he’s caring. All the traits you would want in someone who is interested in sports medicine. He loves anime which catches me off guard. I never expected him to like that type of show. He’s been watching it since he was young. Even though he’s rewatched One Piece many times, he never forgets how he grew up watching Dragon BallZ.
I tell him Sailor Moon was my favorite. That’s the only anime I watched growing up, and honestly, it is top tier.
I swear it’s like I have all my favorite books, anime, and dream boyfriends rolled up into one sexy tall football player who is a closet nerd.
I feel myself falling in love with him, I just hope he’s there to catch me when I do. The thing is, I have a feeling he will.
I contemplate everything he’s told me, and even though I know I am what he wants, I still don't know if I can wear my heart on my sleeve. Because if I do get hurt this time around, I don't know how I will survive it.
thirteen
Montana
Waking up, I feel refreshed. Today is going to be a great day. When I go for my run, I process what Rocky and I talked about. He had to leave late last night because he didn’t have his stuff for practice today.
I’ve never felt more wanted than I do with him, but I’m also pissed off about the whole situation, so I let it out on my run. I cannot believe she felt the need to put me down in order to get a guy. Women are supposed to encourage each other, we already have so much going against us, we need to stand together. You know, fuck the patriarchy and shit.
After my run, I start the cool down walk back to my apartment when a text comes in from Autumn.
Autumn: Hey girlie, you busy?
Me: Just walking home from my run. I was thinking about going to the campus bookshop and then stopping at Rocky's practice. I'm going to hit the gym too. Wanna come?
Autumn: Sure! I’ll meet you there!