Page 41 of Fear of Flying

“Ah, my brother and family are coming in from out of town to visit. I’ll get to meet my baby niece for the first time—she’s just four months old.” Zach could hear excitement in Drew’s tone but also something else, something wistful, maybe.

“Awwww, that sounds amazing!” Zach said, reaching for Drew’s hand under the water and giving it a short, gentle squeeze. “I wish I had siblings—no niblings for me, I’m afraid. Maybe that’s why I try to save all the dogs—trying to fill that void in my life through the unconditional love of animals.”

“I mean, there are worse ways to go.” Drew gave him a thousand-watt smile, his eyes bright and joyful, though that wistfulness was still there, and a thought seemed to cross his mind then, darkening his expression a little. “Seriously, sometimes I swear it’s my volunteer time at the shelter—the dogs, mostly, especially Milo—that keeps me sane when the job gets to be too much.”

“Milo?” Zach asked, warmth filling his heart at the idea of Drew having a favorite dog at the shelter. He did too, of course.

“Yeah,” Drew said, his voice dropping to a quiet volume barely loud enough to be heard over the jetted water. His entire face just... softened and lit up with so much affection and love. “I’ll show you some pictures when we get back to the room. But oh, Milo. He’s a character! He’s one of the middle-aged dogs that tend to get looked over—you know how that goes—but he’s the sweetest guy.”

Zach was pretty sure he could listen to Drew talk about Milo forever. It ended up only being about forty-five minutes until Drew had exhausted his supply of Milo antics, but Zach really could have listened for much longer.

The jets had long since turned off, and neither of them had wanted to get out of the comfort and heat of the water to press the plunger again. But given that it was quieter now, they had adjusted the volume of their voices so as not to bother or be overheard by the few other groups that were in the main pool. Not that the others were being quite as mindful of their own voices carrying, but still.

“I keep thinking I should adopt one of the dogs from the rescue,” Zach said wistfully. “But it almost doesn’t seem fair—or it’s too hard to choose, or something. I mean, there are a few dogs that are office dogs and get to hang out with us in the main building, greeting people who come in and keeping us company. I guess that’s almost like having my own dog—more than one, really!”

“Ahh, but you miss out on the snuggling at night!” Drew protested. “That’s what I would love most, anyway. That and jogging with a dog—my runs get so lonely sometimes. But I travel too much for it to be fair to a dog.”

The ache of loneliness that emanated from Drew seemed about more than just jogging, and Zach wondered how things would change now that they’d found each other. Part of him wanted to ask, but he was hesitant, unsure of exactly what Drew had been thinking about all of this. So instead, he deflected.

“Of course you’re a runner,” Zach said, ending on a small huff of laughter. “Every day? Like five miles just to start your morning?”

Drew laughed softly, and Zach was glad to see his smile back. “No, I’m not that bad. But it is most days, and three miles. Helps me get out of my head a bit.”

“Maybe I should try it sometime,” Zach quipped half-heartedly as his mind created this whole scene—the domestic fluff of them waking up together, getting dressed, taking their dog, maybe Milo, for a jog, and then coming home and taking a shower together before work. God, it was a little scary, but his entire being ached for it to be real.

“You should.” Drew seemed distracted as well. Surely he’d been having a lot of the same thoughts, right? “Ah, just a sec,” he said before hopping up, getting out of the hot tub, and then giving the plunger a firm press to restart the jets.

Zach gave him a little grin as Drew climbed back in the hot tub. “I think we went an hour without, but now you brave the chill for more bubbles?”

Drew just chuckled, and it almost seemed like he was nervous.

“I-I mean, thank you.” Zach wasn’t sure if it was the jetted water making more heat rise or if his cheeks were flushing slightly with embarrassment. “I’d be delighted to spend more time in the hot tub with you.”

For a moment longer, Drew was quiet. He still wore a soft smile on his face, but it looked like he was having some really deep thoughts as his gaze wandered slowly around the room and then out the window.

“What is it?” Zach asked, taking hold of Drew’s hand under the water. He was glad when Drew gave him a light squeeze.

“I, um...” Drew shifted slightly so that both of his hands were holding Zach’s, his fingers running over Zach’s knuckles under the water. “So... h-how do you think this is... How does this work? Tomorrow, I mean. And the day after that?”

Zach sucked in a breath and then blew it out. “I... I’m not sure. I mean, we should probably exchange phone numbers for a start. Uh, once we have our phones in hand, that is.” They both laughed a bit self-consciously. “But yeah, phone calls, visits, see if—if everything . . . still feels the same?”

Drew’s nod was almost imperceptible, and his fingers paused in their movements, his hands tightening slightly more around Zach’s, though the touch felt a bit more like anxiousness than an attempt at comfort.

It almost seemed like Drew wasn’t quite breathing. Or maybe it was his own lack of breathing he was noticing. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath in, blowing it out slowly before he looked up at Drew again. And when he did, it was as though every trace of nervousness and uncertainty was gone from Drew’s eyes. This time, when Drew squeezed Zach’s hand, it somehow felt more reassuring and comforting. And this time when Zach sucked in a breath, it was because the look in Drew’s eyes was almost overwhelming.

God, he really wanted to kiss him.

Zach started to lean in slowly, about to close his eyes, but then Drew gave his hands another squeeze before letting go and standing up abruptly. “I, uh, I wouldn’t mind going back to the room now.” Drew’s voice was halting and a little bit husky.

Zach took a second to get his bearings and then nodded his agreement. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s... let’s do that.” Zach’s mind was reeling a bit from the quick shift, but after some of the foreplay they’d had in the pool, he was more than ready to be back in the privacy of their hotel room too.

Chapter Nineteen

Drew

All the way back up to their room, Drew’s nerves were on full alert in some weird combination of arousal and anxiety. It was awkward riding up in their robes and damp swim trunks along with people dressed in both casual and business clothing. But he was glad for the fact that the elevator was fairly full on their way up, giving him the perfect excuse to avoid any publicly displayed affection until he and Zach were much closer to their room and alone.

He hated it though. He hated how nerve-wracking holding Zach’s hands had been in the hot tub and how the thought that someone might see had been almost overwhelming. And now, Drew almost felt sick at his relief that they were forced to not touch in the elevator, though he was even more relieved when the elevator had emptied but for just the two of them at the eighth floor.