Page 101 of Chasing Home
“Read that letter, Riley. Read it and fucking weep.”
Shaking my head, I turn and leave, not sparing a single person another look.
They don’t deserve one.
33
AURORA
Without an umbrella, the rain plasters my hair and face in seconds. I blink to clear my vision as droplets collect in my eyelashes and leave the building, my legs pumping and pumping until I’m not walking but running instead.
My sneakers pound the pavement, the erratic thump of my heartbeat in my ears. Most people don’t so much as look up from their phones as I brush past them, and those who do dismiss me without much thought. Nobody knows who I am, and that makes it all that much easier to let my tears escape, falling down my cheeks alongside the rain.
A pain so hot it burns like pressing an iron to my chest pushes me to run faster. I want to scream from the lack of oxygen in my lungs and the fact I was such a fool to come here. My mom knew it the entire time.
Riley Rose isn’t any more my father than he is a simple sperm sample. I wasn’t expecting him to fill a role that isn’t void in my life, but to be brushed off so easily, without a care . . . I clench my teeth to hide a sob.
This city is unfamiliar, and the further I venture inside of it, the more turned around I get. I don’t stop running, though. Even as the warning grows louder in my pounding skull. What would be so bad about getting lost?
I stumble upon a park a few minutes later. It’s empty, the rain apparently pissing all over everyone’s plans for an afternoon walk. Slowing my pace, I pass through the gap in the fence. The grass is thick and green here, glistening with water beneath my feet. Everything is soaked, but I drop onto a wooden bench, anyway, not caring that my ass grows wet in an instant.
Only once I’ve sat and closed my eyes do I clue in to the way my body shakes and my lips are dry despite the rain. I lick them and press two fingers to the back of my hand. My skin is ice-cold. I let my shoulders fall forward and hunch over my knees before pulling my phone from my pocket and dialling the number I’ve avoided for a month.
She answers on the first ring. Just one single word, but one that forces every sob I’ve stomped down to come all the way up.
“Aura.”
“Mom.”
“What’s wrong?”
I almost laugh. If I wasn’t sobbing through my teeth, I would have. “What isn’t wrong?”
“You went to see him,” she says, certainty blaring from every word.
“You can say I told you so,” I whisper.
“If there was ever something I wanted to be wrong about, it was this. I’ve never, ever wanted you to get hurt, baby girl.”
“Why him, Mom? He’s . . . he’s horrible.”
There’s a pause, and I can hear the soft sound of background noise disappear completely, as if she’s done everything to ensure I’m her main focus.
“He wasn’t always horrible?—”
“I don’t want to hear all the good things about him,” I interrupt.
“If you don’t hear the good, how will you be able to understand why I made the choices I did? You deserved to hear these things before you left, but I didn’t offer them to you because I was too hurt and full of regret. You need to hear them now, Aurora.”
I lean back against the bench and shove my dripping hair back and out of my face. “Fine.”
“I met Lee on my eighteenth birthday. There used to be a summer fair put on a few minutes outside of Cherry Peak that drew people in from all over the province, Calgary included, and my friends insisted we go to celebrate my birthday. I had on one of those silly birthday girl sashes and a tiara that we got at the dollar store, and because most of the rides had teenage boys controlling them, I got teased consistently for them. Their comments and jokes didn’t matter because I was with my friends, but Lee was there with his own friends and overheard a few of them poking fun at me. He was nineteen at the time and already larger than life itself. I remember thinking it was a birthday miracle that this tall, handsome guy was there, threatening to shove one of the guys into one of the Ferris wheel seats and leave him at the top all night if he didn’t leave me alone.
“Both my friends and his convinced him to let it go, and I think I was already in love with him by the time he asked me to grab an ice cream with him afterward. I hadn’t dated before, not seriously, and Lee . . . he was funny and kind and protective. Being in his presence was like staring down at the world and finally seeing everything great about it. That night changed a lot for me, but it was the first time I ever felt seen. Your grandparents disapproved of him, only seeing a no-good, upcoming musician who wasn’t worthy of their daughter because he had nothing to show for himself yet. I didn’t care what they thought, and so the rift between us started. The one that lingered far longer than my relationship with him and now haunts you as well.”
“Your parents were always arrogant assholes, Mom,” I say on a breath, rubbing at my chest absent-mindedly.
“Yeah, baby. They were. But at one time, they did want what was best for me. I often think about how if I had listened to their advice and left your father when they wanted me to, that I never would have had you, and you, Aurora? You’re the most precious gift I’ve ever received. I’d go through a million broken hearts and painful memories if it meant I got you at the end of every story.”