Page 35 of Twisted Heathens

She’s hanging onto my every word, her attention almost too intense to handle. Like she’s greedily eating up my secrets, sneaking them away for her own use. This has stayed secret for so long, but she’s pulling the sordid shadows free. I’m powerless to stop.

“She got sick. Throwing up in school.” I gulp hard, forcing moisture into my suddenly dry mouth. “I was terrified and when the test came back positive, confirming that she was pregnant, it was like the world was ending. Looking back, I was so shallow. So stupid. It didn’t matter, the world wasn’t ending. But my parents demand perfection from me, they always have. I knew that if they found out… that would be it for me. For my future.”

“What did you do?”

I pause, Amy’s face filling my vision. Sweet rosy cheeks and brown curls, a wide smile that charmed anyone and everyone. Top of her class, she was a wizard on the violin. Her talent unrivalled. Even at sixteen, her bright future was secured.

“I threatened her, said that no music school would ever take a teen mom with a screaming baby on to their program. Her folks were just like mine, obsessed with image and reputation. I broke her down, scared her into thinking there was no other option but to get rid of it. She just cried, begging for my help, telling me that we could make it… be a family. I said no. Never going to happen.”

My eyes close briefly. The grief is overwhelming, even now. It’s like I’m talking about a stranger, when realistically, the bastard in this story is me. My arrogant younger self. Like Brooklyn said, unforgivable. We’ve both earned that word apparently.

“Where’s Amy now?”

I prepare myself to admit the truth out loud for the first time. “She’s dead. Has been for the last seven years. Never even made it to music school.”

And it’s my fault.

“How did she die, Kade?” Her voice is soft and mesmerising, coaxing me on. She’s stealing my sins and swallowing them whole, greedy for more to hang on to.

“Complications from a back-street abortion. Dead within days of that damn test.”

There’s a loaded pause, both of us immersed in each other’s gaze. The pain in my chest reaches its peak and ebbs away, along with the words that have just been vocalised. I can’t take them back now, it’s out there and beyond my control.

“I never stepped forward and claimed the child,” I continue. “Everyone heard what happened and judged her, tossing about vicious rumours. Our fling was always a secret, we were both terrified of our families finding out. To this day… they still don’t know it was me that knocked her up.”

I’m ready for her to pull away or toss me out of her room in utter disgust. She’s within her right after hearing that story. I’d be repulsed too, hell, I am every day when I look in the mirror and remember the past.

“You see, I guess I really do deserve to be here,” I finish.

“No, you don’t. Not one bit. You were an asshole, but who isn’t?”

I can’t help the broken laugh that comes out. “I was a fucking coward.”

Brooklyn’s lips turn upwards into a tiny smile, making my heart squeeze painfully. “We’re all cowards, Kade,” she whispers. “Running scared from our pasts, avoiding the inevitable. It always finds its way back to us in the end.”

Her head drops to the pillow, eyes sinking shut. She snuggles closer, almost like she’s comforted by the skeletons in my closet that I’ve just revealed. When I was playing the good guy, she stubbornly pushed me away. But now I’ve owned my mistakes and shared my darkness with her? She’s cuddling up like a goddamn puppy, bathing in the grief.

This girl isn’t right. Not one bit.

I couldn’t save Amy. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for that, saving all the other hopeless victims in her place. No matter how much it kills me inside every day. Hudson. Phoenix. Eli. And now? Brooklyn, too.

We’re family.

No one goes down on my watch.

Thirteen

Brooklyn

Tears Don’t Fall by Bullet for My Valentine

I’ve survived my first week at Blackwood.

Adjusting to classes was fine, the two boys kept me company and helped with the towering workload. I have no intention of tackling the stacks of books on my desk for English, not like I’m going to be here to sit the exams. Group therapy was thankfully cancelled, so at least I don’t have to endure that horror show yet.

I pace the room, evening light stretching through the small space. Kade’s coming to get me for dinner soon, so I’m just killing time. The bags still sit under the desk where I threw them after he left. How I managed to fall asleep in front of him, I’ll never know. Sleeping is hard enough on my own, let alone in the presence of another. I’m starting to think that I judged him too quickly.

With a defeated sigh, I empty the bags onto the bed. Did I even say thank you before I threw the gifts back in his face? I’m an asshole. No surprises there.