Page 25 of Trusting You
“Adah,” Lily says while leaning away and refocusing on the pancake crumbs on her fingers.
“I know.” Carter lifts up, kisses Lily’s cheek, then forehead, then the nose, leaving a salty sheen in each spot she chooses. “You’re the best, sweetie. You are loved.”
A crack sounds, but no one looks up from their meals. Servers don’t pause, the bar doesn’t stop pouring drinks. Sun shines through non-smudged windows, decorative plants stay bright green. Patrons still laugh.
It’s like no such thunder occurred. Why am I the only one feeling the gray? The shadowed crest of incoming clouds?
Carter stands, and the motion pains her. It’s written over her skin, her face, piercing through her eyes. Eden has already left, giving Carter this moment, and is somewhere outside waiting for a cab.
“Be good, okay?” Carter says to the top of Lily’s head. Then, unable to resist, she plants another kiss within the curls.
“Baby,” she says into Lily’s hair. “I’ll miss your smell so much.”
Ah, fuck.
I think about the minute Carter leaves this restaurant. Lily stares at me across the table with flat shark eyes while she squeezes pancakes in each fist, as either a threat or a dare.
If she freaks out, I won’t know what to do. Textbooks don’t tell you how to run with a screaming child out of a crowded place without appearing like a kidnapper. Childcare teachers aren’t perched on your shoulder, coaxing you through how to handle a baby who topples over their own high chair.
Deformed, soggy bits of pancake plop to the ground as potential dangers continue to unfold.
So many options can occur at this moment. A server can slip. Hot coffee could be spilled on Lily’s head. She could choke, and I’d have to actually do the terrifying baby CPR move of flattening her against my thigh.
And I’m that guy, the one expected to take care of all of it because she’s my kid.
Are these the fears of a parent twisting my brain so hard it’s detaching from my skull?
I fall back into my chair.
“Stay,” I say before I think twice.
“I’m sorry?” Carter asks, a hand remaining on Lily.
This girl still can’t let go. And if Lily’s meltdown in the car an hour ago told me anything, it’s that she shouldn’t.
“If I’m to master this whole dad thing, I’ll need your help.”
Carter’s mouth is agape. If she doesn’t do something soon, her tongue will crack apart from dryness. “You can’t mean that.”
I sigh. “I do. Fuck—sorry,” I say to Lily. “See? I have a ton of learning to do. And you know Lily so well. Maybe…temporarily”—I make sure to enunciate that last word—“you can stay and help.”
“I…” Carter glances out the window as if she needs permission from Eden.
“I’m giving you the permission,” I say. “That’s all you need. If you want to think about it, that’s okay. It’d be a big move, and you probably have a job, rent to pay—”
“Yes.”
“Yes?” That was quick. “You sure?”
“Yes. So much yes!” Carter laughs through her tears, and she clutches Lily, pulling her out of the high chair with the ease of a mom handling their kids year-round, and spins her. Lily’s delighted. “I don’t care about anything but her. I’ll stay for as long as you need. I’ll stay forever.”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” I say dryly.
“Sorry, didn’t mean that.” Carter stops spinning. “I’m just so happy. So glad. Thank you, Locke. Thank you.”
She runs over and plops a kiss on my cheek, Lily still in hand, and I wonder how long I’ll have her affection before she goes back to hating me for taking Lily away.