Page 70 of Escape

“How are you feeling this morning?” he asked.

I didn’t want to say it, but I knew I couldn’t continue to hide the truth. This wasn’t good for me or him any longer. “I’m okay now, but I can’t keep doing this.”

His body tensed beside mine. “What?”

Shooting him a sympathetic look, I clarified, “I can’t do this to you any longer. I can’t keep having nightmares, waking you up, and having hours of sleepless nights.”

“So, what are you saying?”

Huck sounded so worried. Knowing what I knew about him, particularly what I’d seen ever since we reconnected recently, he tried hard to hide any sense of fear or worry from me, but I could tell. I hated that I was putting him in a position to feel that way now.

In fact, I hated it so much, I was going to do something I never thought I’d have to do. “I think I need some professional help,” I confessed.

In an instant, relief swept through him. “I’ve been thinking that, too. I’d planned to bring it up to you today after breakfast. That, and I think it might give you some peace of mind to file to have a protection from abuse order. It’s not to say he can’t break it, but it will make it criminal if he does.”

Nodding my understanding and agreement, I said, “I’m sorry I’ve been causing you to have sleepless nights.”

Huck’s hand instinctively reached for mine. “I hope you’re not misunderstanding me, Josie. I didn’t intend to talk to you about seeking the help of a professional because I’m upset about being woken up at night. That has nothing to do with it. My concern is about your well-being. I just want you to be able to rest easy again.”

Again.

“I’m not sure there’s ever been a time in my life when I rested easily,” I muttered.

Disappointment washed over him. “Well, let’s hope that can change for you now.”

Unable to resist, I smiled at him. Because even if I didn’t know where things would go for me, there was one thing I knew to be true. Huck was the kind of man who wouldn’t rest until he knew I was okay. If I could give him any reassurance that I was heading in that direction by giving him a smile, I thought it was worth the shot.

Lucky for me, he didn’t hesitate to smile back, something he continued to do even after we got out of bed and went downstairs for breakfast.

EIGHTEEN

Josie

“You look like you’re deep in thought.”

I blinked my eyes and shook my head. It had been a vain attempt to rid my mind of the thoughts that had been plaguing me.

This specific situation—Huck noting I was deep in thought—left me feeling two conflicting emotions, both of which had everything to do with what was on my mind to begin with.

First, it didn’t come as a surprise to me that Huck noticed I was distracted. It had become clear to me rather quickly just how astute Huck was. Nothing got by him. And the best thing about it was that Huck didn’t ignore what he observed. Where someone else might have overlooked what I was feeling, Huck preferred to confirm I was okay. There was a level of comfort I felt with that.

But the thing that had come as a surprise to me was that Huck noting I was lost in thought didn’t leave me feeling any level of fear. If I’d ever heard Kurt say those same words, I’d have been immediately concerned that I was about to suffer physical blows to my body for daydreaming or being distracted.

I was currently sitting out on the deck at Huck’s place, and once his voice had filtered through the noise in my mind, I turned my attention to my right and looked at him. I offered a halfhearted smile and said, “I’m just thinking about how different everything feels.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

I hesitated to respond. While I believed Huck genuinely was curious and concerned, the reality was that I had been doing my best to keep the thoughts I was having to myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Huck. I merely hadn’t wanted to burden him with the things that had been occupying my mind.

But I ultimately realized that hiding this from him wouldn’t be an option. He’d done so much for me, gone out of his way to look out for me, so he deserved to know. Deep down, I think I wanted him to know. I just hated what it was going to do to him.

“I’ve never had this kind of peace in my life,” I shared. “I know you’re aware of a lot of the things I went through at the hands of my father, but with the exception of what just put me in the hospital, you don’t know what my daily life was like for years while I was with my ex.”

Huck reached his hand out and covered mine with his. He gave me a gentle, reassuring squeeze and said, “I suspect there isn’t much that was good for you, and I’m willing to listen, if you want to share.”

Once again, I didn’t immediately respond. I took some time to consider all that I’d been through, all that I could share. I was so bogged down by the memory of it—my nightmares were enough of an indication of that being the case—and I worried I’d pass that weight on to Huck.

There was a small part of me that knew Huck could handle it, though. For as long as I knew him, he hadn’t faltered to be a source of comfort and strength. He could easily take this, talk me through it, and find a way to make me feel better about it.