Page 71 of Escape

So, I revealed, “There were so many awful things I experienced at the hands of my ex. I was constantly on edge, constantly worried about the things I had done or needed to do. I experienced so many situations where I was blamed for things that had nothing to do with me, and there were times when I felt his wrath for things I didn’t do properly.”

I could see the tension growing in Huck’s expression. That was what I’d been hoping to avoid.

“I’m sorry. Should I stop?” I asked.

His head moved back and forth, his jaw clenching. “No. I want you to tell me everything you think I should know. Hell, I even want you to tell me the things you don’t think I should know. The more I know, the better I can help support you through this.”

I let out an audible sigh and asked, “Do you remember the day you and I had pie at the diner, the day you noticed there was something physically wrong with me?”

“Of course, I do.”

“I’d forgotten to take care of the registration on Kurt’s truck,” I started. “I had planned to do it the day you first stopped in at the diner, but I wound up being distracted by the fact that I’d seen you for the first time in so long. I thought about you so much, I forgot to take care of the registration. Then he got pulled over for speeding and got a ticket for that as well as having an expired registration. He wasn’t happy.”

“So, it sounds like you weren’t allowed to make a mistake,” Huck declared through gritted teeth.

God, the restraint he had was unnerving. I’d never known anyone like him, anyone who could feel the anger that was plain as day on his face and keep himself composed.

I closed my eyes, sighed again, and nodded. When I opened my eyes again, I shared, “I always had to be on top of everything—making meals, packing his lunch for work, keeping the house clean. There was rarely a moment of appreciation on his behalf, and I was constantly worried about what I was going to do wrong to get myself a fist to the face or a boot to the ribs. No matter what I did, I was always on edge.”

Huck was clenching his jaw, clearly waging a battle inside his head on how to react or respond to all that I’d just shared. It didn’t surprise me or scare me. I knew his anger and frustration were on my behalf. “I’m so sorry, Josie. There are so many things I wish I would have done differently. If I could go back and change things, if I could make this better for you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“You are,” I blurted.

“What?”

“You’re already making that happen for me,” I told him. “Sure, we’re not able to go back and fix what has happened already, but you’re making such a significant impact now. I’m so serious when I tell you I’ve never experienced this level of peace in my life. It’s been extraordinary with you these last couple of weeks. I’m beyond grateful to have you in my life again.”

“I don’t feel like I’m doing enough,” he argued.

I flipped my hand over so I could link my fingers with his. There wasn’t anything romantic about it; I merely felt more grounded, more connected to something stable whenever I touched him. “You are doing enough. Trust me. I’m the one who no longer feels like a possession.”

“Pardon?”

Nodding, I swallowed hard and admitted, “The way Kurt treated me was horrible, Huck. It was almost as though he believed I was there to serve him, to do whatever he needed, whenever he needed it. My feelings didn’t matter. Neither did my hopes or dreams for my future. Ever since I’ve been here with you, I’ve realized that I’ve got to come to grips with the fact that I’m going to be my own woman, that I’m finally going to have some independence. It feels a bit surreal, and I’m not sure I know how to do that.”

Huck squeezed my hand again, and a smile formed on his face, which helped to ease the tension. “This is all going to take time, honey, but we’re going to get you there.”

“It’s strange, though,” I began again. “Even though I should have felt this when I left my father’s house and was on my own for a while, I didn’t.”

“Do you think you were worried about him coming after you, or was it something else?” Huck questioned me.

I shook my head slowly. “I don’t know. I think part of it might have been that I was so young that I hadn’t really been able to grasp just how big of a deal it was. I mean, I knew leaving his place was crucial, but I guess there was so much uncertainty in my life that it was hard to feel any sense of real independence or accomplishment. I struggled for a very long time just trying to survive, so where one aspect of my life had seen major improvement, I was barely getting by. I still felt very stuck, but it was in a different way.”

Huck offered a nod of understanding. “Have you seen or spoken to your father in all these years?”

The words spilled out of me without an ounce of hesitation. This was one thing I didn’t have any issues or concerns about sharing. “No. Not once. Thankfully, he never attempted to locate me, and I never felt the desire to visit him ever again. I haven’t kept tabs on him. I don’t even know if he lives in the same house. But I don’t care. He’s not part of my life any longer, and I want it to stay that way. That’s what I want with Kurt, too. And while I still have some thoughts and concerns about how things are going to pan out with him, I can admit there’s this new feeling I’m experiencing. Maybe this peace I feel is all because of you.”

“Me?”

The disbelief in his tone was remarkable. It was almost as though he couldn’t begin to understand how his current role in my life could ever impact me to this level. “Yes, Huck. You.”

“Why me?”

I allowed my eyes to roam over his face as I considered how to best answer that question. On some level, I knew what I wanted to say, but after everything Huck had done for me, tossing it out there carelessly didn’t seem like the best decision.

Moments of silence passed, but I didn’t feel any pressure. And when I finally felt like I’d figured it out, I explained, “When I look back on my life after the abuse started with my father, there is only one other span of time when I felt some sense of peace. It’s not the same serenity that I feel now. Something is different about it, but there was a comforting reassurance there. I experienced a renewed sense of hope when I’d been feeling the lowest of the low back then, and that was when we got paired together in science class for that project. It didn’t immediately happen, obviously, but that was absolutely the start of it.”

Huck’s thumb began stroking along my hand. “That marble roller coaster project feels like a lifetime ago.”