Page 57 of Silver & Gold
“I shouldn’t have let him tell me anything. You asked me not to read the book. I broke your trust, even if indirectly. It was wrong, and I’m sorry. You have every right to be angry with me.”
“I am angry, Seth—because you are such an over-principled asshole sometimes.”
“I thought you didn’t want me to read the book.”
“I don’t.”
“And now I know some things.”
Raider shook his head, obviously fuming.
“Raider—”
“Fuck you for making me this worried. I thought …” Raider shook his head again. “Never mind.”
“You thought what?” Annoyance snuck into Seth. What the hell did Raider think he would have done? He’d leaped pretty quickly to his with Julian question.
Raider glanced at him then fixed his eyes on the dash. “I thought you didn’t want me. That you were, I don’t know, stepping back.”
Seth stared at him, dumbstruck.
“Stop staring at me.”
Seth kept staring at him. “Why did you think that?”
“I don’t know, Seth! I just did!”
Seth didn’t like that one bit. He wanted an explanation. But this wasn’t meant to be an interrogation of Raider. It was a goddamn apology. He’d have to come back to that another time.
“Look, Raider, the point is, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to Julian. Having done it, though, I should’ve talked to you.”
Raider took a deep breath. “So what did you have to ask him that you couldn’t ask me?”
“I asked him if he thought your quicksilver could be removed.”
Raider froze. That was clearly not what he’d been expecting. After a moment, he asked, “And … what did he say?”
“Well …” Seth stalled. “That was how the book came up. He was explaining …”
“That it can’t be done,” Raider supplied woodenly.
“He’s not an expert on quicksilver,” Seth was quick to argue. “Even he said so. There might be other opinions.”
Raider crossed his arms over his bare abdomen. “It disgusts you. The quicksilver.”
“What the fuck, Raider? No. That’s not why I asked him—”
“I saw how you looked at me in Aqarat. After the sand serpent. After you’d seen—”
“Fucking no. That’s not why I asked him about it. Goddamn it, Raider! I asked because I can’t fucking stand seeing you in pain. I can’t fucking stand that someone did that to you, forced that on you. I can’t fucking stand how badly—”
Seth’s throat seized tight, cutting off his words, cutting off his air. He closed his eyes. He fisted his shaky hands on his thighs and tried to keep them there. He tried to count backwards. But he was so damn angry that he couldn’t breathe.
He was going to have to leave the palanquin. It didn’t matter that it was still raining. It didn’t even matter that walking out of the conversation was shitty. He was going to have to.
Then he felt Raider’s fingers on his fist. No more than that. No force. No demand. Just contact.
Seth’s throat loosened enough that he could drag in a breath. The blood stopped roaring through his veins. Incrementally, he was able to unclench his fist and let Raider’s fingers intertwine with his.