Page 12 of Any Kind of Life
Paige eyed Juliet over her shoulder, shrugging slightly. “I got it to make myself feel better after a particular episode in my life. When he…first started to hit me.”
Juliet nodded slowly, stroking her palms up and down Paige’s arms as she lay back against Juliet. “We don’t have to talk about it if it’s not something you want to remember.”
“It’s hard not to remember it at times. While it initially made me feel better, it’s something I now look back on, and it reminds me of why I got it, you know?”
“I see.”
“We’d been married for a few months. James had started to turn on me.” Paige sighed as she lay her head back on Juliet’s chest, her eyes closed. “I got out of the shower one day and dropped my towel in front of the mirror. I…realised I had bruising in quite a few places on my body.”
“Paige, we don’t have to do this. I’m sorry I asked.”
Paige lifted a hand from the water and held onto Juliet’s. “My thighs were black and blue, my stomach had started to yellow, and when I turned around…the most recent bruising was really beginning to show.” Paige cleared her throat. “You know, I can’t even remember why he’d beaten me that time. I think just because he wanted to.”
“Baby, I’m sorry.” Juliet’s voice threatened to betray her, but this wasn’t about Juliet or her emotions. This was Paige opening up and trusting Juliet.
“The tattoo, for me, was a way of hoping I wouldn’t see those things in the future. That it would take away from any further bruising down the line. God knew there would be more.”
With her jaw clenched and her nostrils flared, Juliet remained silent. She wasn’t sure there was a response for something so despicable.
“I considered having it removed, or some of it, at least. But then I remember that it’s a part of me…my past, and it shows me how far I’ve come. That I’m not in that situation anymore. And the reason I’m not in that situation now is because of you.” Paige squeezed Juliet’s hand. “If it hadn’t been for you, I probably would have gone back to him at some point. Yes, I’m strong, but I’m only strong because you’re by my side. Without you, I feel weak.”
“You’re the strongest woman I know. With or without me, Paige.”
“Trust me, it doesn’t feel that way when we’re apart. Being like this with you, warm and safe, is where I feel strong. When I wake up beside you, I feel strong. When we’re sitting across the island from one another, having dinner and discussing our day, I feel like I could take on the world. But when I’m not with you, when I’m alone in a hotel room or preparing for a set…I feel wary and unsure of what I’m capable of.” Paige brought her other hand to Juliet’s thigh, stroking a thumb across her skin. “But then I hear your voice in my head, and I see your smile when I close my eyes…and I know that I’m okay. I don’t fear for the rest of the night so much.”
Juliet frowned. “You…feel that way when I’m not with you?”
Juliet really hoped Paige was exaggerating slightly. It hurt her heart to know that Paige was out there alone, frightened of what each day could bring.
“Yes.”
“Baby, why didn’t you say something sooner? You know I’ll drop everything to be whatever you need.”
Paige turned slightly, freezing when the water almost sloshed over the edge of the tub. “Because I’m getting stronger each day. I can’t expect you to hold my hand forever. And honestly, you make me believe that I can do anything I want to.”
“Because you can.” Juliet leaned down and kissed Paige’s forehead. “You’re capable of far more than you realise.”
“Being with you has given me a sense of freedom I wasn’t sure I’d ever have. But it’s not a freedom to go out there and discover myself; I already did that when I met you. It’s a freedom to not fear putting one foot wrong and receiving a smack for it. It’s a freedom to speak my mind if we’re not quite in agreement with something that doesn’t result in a hand around the throat. It’s a freedom to simply exist in my own skin…without any bruises.”
God, that hurt far more than Juliet expected it to.
“You’ve given me a life, Juliet. The most beautiful, unproblematic life.”
“I want you to know that no matter what the future holds, I’ll never do anything to hurt you. I’d never raise my voice to you…let alone my hand. I just want to see you smiling and hear that infectious laugh that makes my heart skip a beat. Nothing else matters to me, so long as you are happy and living a life you’ve always wanted to live.”
“I am, babe. I’m living that right this second. I have been since the day I came clean and told you why I kept running from bar to bar. You created a space where I felt safe, and honestly, I’ve never looked back.”
Juliet trailed a thumb across Paige’s bottom lip, smiling with tears in her eyes. “I only ever want to look forward with you.”
“God, I’m so excited for my future with you, Juliet. I’m not sure you understand just how much.”
“I do. I see it in your eyes every time you put my mind at rest.” Juliet may have been feeling out of sorts with the sudden addition of the UK tour, but when she sat alone and realistically thought things through, she knew Paige was coming home to her time and time again. Whether that was a month-long UK tour or a year-long world tour really didn’t matter. Paige was hers. And she was Paige’s. “Are you happy with the direction of everything right now?”
“Mostly.”
“Mostly?” Juliet asked, a brow quirked.
“Yeah. I’d rather be here getting the bar ready with you. You probably look ridiculously hot with a paintbrush in your hand, and I won’t be here to see it.”