Page 39 of Hiding from Hope
“Yeah, ignore this fucking idiot,” Addison, as classy as ever. “He’s just been out of the game for too long, he has no idea what it’s like out there anymore. Such an old man.” Addison delivers the insult with a feline smile and smacks me on the back of the head as she and Rosie head out to my truck. I turn back toward Casey and see the same look of hesitancy on her face.
“I’m sorry, Case. You do look… good.” There is no other appropriate way to say that. “I was just… well, you know, it’s been a minute since I saw you girls.” And I hadn’t realized she had turned from a smiling little girl to a glowing, drop-dead gorgeous woman. I was at least smart enough not to say that, though. “There isn’t anything wrong with what you’re wearing.” I feel my cheeks pink uncharacteristically and a small smile pulls at her face as she scrunches her button nose. The brightening of her face has me remembering, “Oh, wait here,” I tell her and dart quickly to the living room, returning with the gift in hand. “Happy birthday, Ace.” I hand over the bunch of flowers and her face brightens even more, something in my stomach tugging at me. I don’t even know why I bought them for her. I was down the street to grab shit for my new truck and they had these on display in the flower shop next door. I remembered that Casey mentioned they were her favorite flower, and well… I mean everyone deserves flowers on their birthday, right?
“Oh… they are so pretty, Jay,” she whispers, a huge smile on her face as she brings them to her nose and sniffs. “I can’t believe you got me marigolds.”
“You said they were your favorite.”
“And you remembered?” She looks at me with confusion. I have no idea how to answer that, so I just shrug. She walks over to the hall table and places them down. “I’m sleeping over tonight, so I’ll take them home with me in the morning.” I just nod again, holding the front door open wider for her to head to the truck.
“Umm…” Her voice is soft as she takes a few steps closer to the door. “Do you… well, I haven’t, like, been out before, or really dated.” She shrugs and looks down at her feet.
“Okay?” I have no idea what she is asking me.
“Well… do you think… would guys, like, react like you? Or… do you think, maybe… they might find me pretty?” She looks up slowly, so much insecurity in her voice, and her cheeks are bright pink. My heart softens slightly, and I almost want to pull her into a hug–a platonic hug, of course–and comfort her.
Instead, I just give her an easy smile and nod, and that seems to be enough to settle her nerves. Her shoulders relax and she smiles a little brighter as she struts past me, heading out to meet the girls in the car.
I wait a beat, closing the front door behind me and following behind, I whisper just to myself, “So, so pretty.”
Casey
Present Day
“Okay, I got you some supplies in this bag, and some new clothes in this bag. Just comfort ones, nothing flashy. Oh, and some couch snacks because then you can just relax… or at least try to. I also got some lavender, and I bought you a new diffuser because you said the other week yours was broken. Oh, and bath oils. You’re going to need lots of relaxing bath moments. I even bought some DVD—”
“Casey, you’re rambling. Again,” Grace scolds, her face pulled into a bored expression, despite the tear stains lining her cheeks. Grace’s strawberry blonde is more blonde than strawberry compared to mine, but she has the same fair skin, blue eyes, and lanky build.
She turns, leaving the entryway of her apartment open as invitation. I swallow the guilt and enter, closing the door behind me and heading straight for the kitchen. Grace disappears into the apartment and her husband Evan meets me.
“How is she doing?” I ask.
“How do you think she is doing?” Evan’s rough response has me wincing. He scrubs a hand down his face and releases a long sigh. “I’m sorry, Case, you didn’t deserve that. It’s just… we’d been trying so long, you know? She doesn’t let me in, and I—”
“Don’t know how to help?” I finish for him as he braces his hands on the counter and hangs his head. I rub his back gently.
I try my best to hold back the tears, refusing to be another thing they have to worry about. Grace was wild and felt everything freely when we were growing up. It used to send our parents into chaos at the best of times. It was just easier to try to keep the peace as much as possible. Mom was less likely to forget me at the library when I did.
“I’m here, and I’ll stay and come back as many times as you or her need. I have all her classes, so don’t worry about it at all.” He nods slightly and starts to unpack the bags I brought, while I heat the kettle and pop the heat pack in the microwave. After we’ve finished unpacking everything, I pull out the beef and vegetables I bought for dinner.
“Right, I’m going to make us a casserole.” I nod in determination.
“It’s 9pm,” he deadpans, but I don’t dignify that with a response. It is never too late for dinner. Evan doesn’t fight me; he just nods and heads out.
“Here,” I grab the heat pack out and pass him the cup of tea, “take this to her. Suggest a lavender bath, but she might refuse for the first few days, which is fine. You can’t force her to talk to you, Ev, you just need to let her process. She wanted this as much as you, if not more. The difference is her hormones convinced her it was happening. She biologically fell in love with that baby before she even knew she was pregnant. So don’t hold this against her. Let her grieve.” His eyes are red-rimmed as he nods again, taking the heat pack and tea from my hands and heads in the direction of Grace. We might not communicate or be as close as Jessie is with his siblings, but I still love Grace with my whole heart, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her suffer. At least not without Mom’s beef casserole.
“This tastes just like Mom’s,” Grace says from where she sits bundled on the couch, the bowl of stew in her hands. Her voice is devoid of emotion, but she doesn’t hesitate to finish the dinner, which brings me a special kind of warmth. “Where were you when you ditched to come play nurse?” I’m sure she doesn’t mean it, but her words sting, especially their delivery. I know in my head she is doing it to feel something because she hurts so badly right now, so I shake off the pain. I can be her punching bag if that’s what she needs right now.
“I was at the night market with a friend.” Jessie caught the Uber with me and rode to every pit stop on the way to Grace’s, and I assume he took it home after I got here, but I didn’t really stop to check. I know he hadn’t wanted to impose, and I hadn’t the energy to do introductions or even think about what happened.
He kissed me. Jessie had actually kissed me–no, he kissed the crap out of me. Damn could he kiss. It felt like… what was it that Rosie said about Caleb? Her soul left her body, and she came back down in the body of a goddess? Yeah. Jessie for sure made me travel space and time with that goddamned kiss. And I couldn’t even remember what I said after. Just that my heart broke into a million pieces. And now here I am.
“One of the girls?” she asks.
“Oh, ahh… no.” I push the beef around with my fork. It is just like Mom’s. But I don’t really have an appetite.
“Oh! A boy?” She says it like I’m sixteen and have a crush again. Well, same guy, I suppose.
“It’s nothing. Really.” I fail at hiding my smile but refuse to make eye contact with either of them. Evan laughs softly under his breath.