Page 113 of At Her Pleasure
“You asked when I’m going to realize I’m part of this family.” She met Ros’s gaze again. “Probably never. My history, what’s in those packed suitcases, makes that nearly impossible for me. But your trust means everything. And I trust you two, Skye and Abby, more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life. Except him…and my sister.”
She filled in the blank, because anticipating the question was like waiting for a fired gun. “She died a long time ago.”
Vera’s eyes darkened in sympathy and Ros’s mouth tightened, but showing their awareness of Cyn’s current state, neither pursued that further. Instead, Vera put the contents back in the folder and slid it to Ros. “So he’s not a villain. He’s a hero.”
“He doesn’t see himself that way.” Cyn straightened. “Remember when I said not to be kind to him, because it would break him? To do what he does, he has to be like the other monsters.”
What was in the file, what he’d told her, said he’d accomplished that, enough that he had accepted he was one.
Accept could be a double-edged sword.
Cyn saw the import of her words sink in. “That was why Tiger picked up the bad guy vibe from him. For Mick to do his job, do good, he has to allow a lot of bad to happen in front of him. Has to participate in that bad.”
Her gaze shifted back to Vera. “Don’t ever call him a hero where he can hear you. It would tear him up inside.”
They understood. When a sub carrying a lot of pain was opened up, experienced Dommes knew coddling wasn’t always the right way to handle it.
“Are you okay with it ending in a couple days?” Ros said.
“It’s the way it has to be.”
Vera’s concerned look toward Ros made Cyn’s brow furrow. “What? Why?”
Ros laced her fingers on the desk. “You’re not going to like hearing it.”
“Since when does that stop you from saying any damn thing to me?”
Ros’s lips twitched. “True enough. Let me say all of it, though, before you react as I expect you will.”
Cyn sat back, crossed her legs, straightened her back and folded her hands on her knee. “I’ve grown as a person these past few days,” she informed Ros. “Let me have it.”
Ros’s amused expression settled into a more serious mien. “Over the past several years, Abby, Skye and I have each committed our lives to a man we wanted. All three of them brought a common thread. Each changed our view, irrevocably, of what we wanted. Of who we weren’t willing to live without.
“Each man seems to understand the things we want, the care we need, in ways we don’t.” Ros’s lips tilted ruefully. “Though he won’t be hearing me admit it, that includes Lawrence.”
Vera gave Cyn a significant look. Cyn looked between them, then understanding dawned. “Oh, hell no. You are way off base.”
“If that’s the case, why do you look as if you were thinking of someone who makes you feel just that way?”
“I was thinking of Bastion,” Cyn retorted. “He knows just how I like my coffee, which is as intuitive as I need a man to be. Mick and I crossed paths again all of a couple days ago.”
“It took Lawrence and me only a few days more than that. Though Abby and Skye had Neil and Tiger in their lives longer, when they turned their eyes in that direction, the connection happened almost immediately.”
“We’re not going down this road.” Cyn wagged a pointed finger at them. “What you’re talking about is a fucking romance novel fantasy, and I don't waste time on that shit. If Lawrence has given you things you didn’t even know you wanted and needed, that’s great for you. But, no offense, if I haven't taken the time to figure out what I want and need from a man, I sure as fuck am not going to inflict myself on him as a Domme.”
“So is he what you need?”
Her declaration was intended to shut them down, but she should have known better. Ros excelled at inserting full stop questions into her pricklier observations. Not denying her assertion, but giving her a different perspective. Even so, she was way off base on this one.
“When it comes to a man, I don’t think of what I need and want beyond the time it takes to cut him from the herd and find how compatible my wants are with his needs,” she informed them.
“So you don’t think about what you need?” Vera asked.
“If I want it, that’s what I go after. The whole point of working my ass off is I no longer have to focus on needs. They’re covered.”
She rose. “My project managers are probably getting a carb coma from the baked goods Bastion brought for them. Are we good here?”
Ros and Vera nodded, but exchanged another look. This time, Cyn decided to ignore it. “Good. After today, I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the week. Mick is taking me camping before he gets back to his life. I’ll fly back to NOLA. Bastion will make the travel arrangements. I’ll have my cell.”