Page 35 of Commit
“Huh?”
“You said you had good genes. I was thinking about your mom’s smile,” I lie as we reach the car.
He looks down at me and gives me a squeeze before he walks over to the driver’s side.
Taking a breath, I open the passenger door, climb inside, and slam it shut. As Abbot starts the car, I shove my bag near my feet and buckle in, smoothing my hands over my thighs. This morning, I put on a pair of the new jeans and one of Abbot’s hoodies and pulled my hair up into a ponytail. A little mascara, some lip gloss, and a bit of concealer to hide the circles under my eyes make me look a little more human. I don’t wear much makeup because the aim is for people not to notice me. Even if I could use the confidence boost right now, I would only have the girls wondering who I was trying to impress. By the end of the day, the gossip would probably have me being gang-banged by the basketball team because Abbot dumped me and broke my heart.
“Do you have practice today?”
“No, it’s been postponed until tomorrow. Something about the field being treated.” He frowns, making me laugh.
“I was only half listening,” he admits sheepishly.
“So, what did you get up to this weekend? I feel like I’ve hardly seen you.”
“Not you, too. I already got shit from my dad.”
“Whoa, I’m just making conversation. Forget I asked.” I turn to look out the window.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”
“Yeah, I know,” I agree.
“But I’m your asshole.”
I turn to look at him and see him pouting. I shake my head but can’t help smiling.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? You’re my best friend.”
He turns back to the road and grips the steering wheel hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.
“Abbot?” I ask softly.
“I met someone,” he whispers.
I blow out a deep breath. “What’s his name?”
“What makes you think it’s a guy?” he says, but it’s strained.
“It’s always a guy. We both know I’m your only girl.” He glances back to me, and I smile at him to soften the sting of my words we both know are true.
“That’s because nobody can compare to you.”
“It’s because you prefer guys, but I’m too awesome to resist,” I joke, but he doesn’t say anything.
“You know you don’t have to pretend with me. You let me be me, and I let you be you.”
“Even though I’m using you?”
I drop my head, clasping my hands together. “I’m using you too, Abbot.”
“No, don’t. We always have the same argument, but it’s not the same. I use you as a cover so I can hide a part of who I am. I use you so I can look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I’m not gay.”
He looks at me and swallows before he moves his eyes back to the road.
“You just want to be loved, so you give yourself to me so I won’t leave you like everyone else has.” He says the words softly, but each one lands like a blow.
He reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “I won’t, you know. Leave you, that is. Even when we’re old and gray, I’ll be here. I know what it’s like to be abandoned, and I won’t let you feel that way. I promise.”