Page 36 of Commit

I squeeze his hand back. “Do you hate having sex with me?”

He jolts. “What? No, how can you ask me that? I fucking love being inside you. It’s just…”

“Not enough. I know. I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to show you that you don’t make me feel used. You know my experience with the opposite sex has been less than stellar. I fuck you because I trust you. So, believe me when I say I’m getting as much from this arrangement as you are, because I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you.”

He swallows hard. “I love you.” The words slip easily from his lips because they’re true. He does love me; he just isn’t in love with me. And that’s okay, because I’m not in love with him either. He’s my safe place, and I’m his.

“I love you too. Why else would I put up with you, dumbass?”

“My big dick?”

“Meh, I’ve had bigger.”

“Bitch.” He shoves me gently, making me laugh.

“Whore.”

He roars with laughter. I watch him, feeling lighter. Abbot’s and my relationship isn’t conventional in the slightest. But I’d do anything for him, and I know he feels the same way about me.

“So tell me about him.”

“Who?”

I roll my eyes. “The guy you met.”

He hesitates for a moment before he spills. It’s still his instinct to hide this side of him, and it breaks my heart. As much as I loved his mom for how she treated me, I wanted to rip her hair out for how she treated Abbot.

She had made him feel like a freak when he came out to her. She started bringing girls home for him to meet and mentioned the idea of going to a camp that would “cure” him of being gay. That’s when we started seeing each other. At first, it was a cover. I played the part of his girlfriend, which kept his mom off his back. He played the doting boyfriend, which kept the bullies at school off mine.

“His name is Mark. He’s a little older than us.”

“How much older?”

“He’s twenty-two. He’s studying to be a graphic designer.”

“Is he cute?”

He gives me a look. “Guys aren’t cute.”

“Sorry. Is he hot?”

“Scorching. I swear to God, I nearly swallowed my tongue when he came over.”

“Bold. I like it. I take it you met at the club.”

He doesn’t really drink, but he likes going to this gay club a couple of towns over, so nobody recognizes him.

“Yeah, we met at Railed. His brother dragged him there.”

“His brother’s gay too?”

“No, but he’s supportive,” he says wistfully. “Can you imagine Landon in a gay club?”

I scowl and shake my head.

“Exactly. Another reason why I haven’t told him. He’ll be ten times worse than Mom was.”

“Have you thought about telling your dad?”