Page 58 of Commit
I hold him tighter, even though I can already feel him slipping away. He carries me upstairs and sits me on the end of the bed before he heads into the bathroom. I hear the faucet turn on and the water filling the tub. The sound of something falling and Abbot cursing makes me jump, but I stay where I am until he comes back.
That’s when I lift my head and realize we’re in Hudson’s bedroom.
“N…no. We sh…shouldn’t be here,” I manage to get out.
Abbot crouches down in front of me and wraps his hands around my cold calves. “He’s not here. He got a call and left. Neither of our rooms have tubs, and I need to get you warm, Starling, and this is the quickest way,” he tells me softly. “Can you stand?”
I nod, even though I’m not sure. He helps me to my feet, but when I sway, he curses and holds me to him. After a moment, he begins to undress me, working my T-shirt up over my head. He unfastens my bra and tosses it to the floor before hooking his fingers in my shorts and sliding both them and my panties down. Once I’ve stepped out of them, he lifts me up into his arms and carries me into the bathroom, where he gently lowers me into the warm water.
I gasp at the sensation of pins and needles stabbing me as my cold skin comes into contact with the heat. He holds me tightly, his arms around my shoulders, his cheek pressed to the top of my head, until I settle.
Once he feels me relax, he lets go of me and strips out of his own wet clothes, revealing a multitude of bruises before he climbs in behind me. I lean back into his chest, being careful not to put too much weight on him in case I hurt him. He sighs and holds me tighter.
We lie in silence, holding each other, while it feels like the world around us is falling apart.
His rough voice breaks the silence as his fingers trail up my arm. “Mark broke up with me.”
I turn my head and look up at him. “He did this?” I ask quietly, reaching up to gently run my fingers over his cheek.
He shakes his head. “No. I was mad,” he forces his words out. “I went out to blow off steam and got jumped.” I know there’s more to it, but I don’t push him. I wait.
“He’s been out of the closet for eighteen months. He doesn’t want to be shoved back into one because of me. Says I make him feel like a dirty secret.” His voice cracks.
I slide my fingers through his and squeeze them.
“His parents were supportive. His sister said she knew he was camper than a row of pink tents and loved him because of it. She then threw him a unicorn-themed sleepover.”
“Camper?”
“She lives in the UK; I think it’s a British saying.”
I smile, wondering what it would be like to have siblings like that love unconditionally like that. “I’m glad he had that. Did you tell him it was way different for you?”
He blows out a breath. “Yeah. He said I couldn’t let people’s perceptions of me stop me from living the life I deserve. He’s a fucking rainbow, and I’m a?—”
“Storm cloud,” I finish for him. “He’s right, though. You do deserve better, but he doesn’t get to tell you how to deal with your trauma or when.”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, thinking it over.
“He wanted to go public, but… I can’t, Starling.”
I turn and kneel in front of him so I can gently cup his face. “You can’t live your life pretending to be something you’re not to make everyone else happy, Abbot. Newsflash: Nobody’s happy. Everyone’s messed up in one way or another. I’m sorry Eloise said what she did to you. I’m sorry she made you feel like you were worthless because you like dick as much as I do.” I smile, making him snort.
“You believed everything she said about you. She judged you, and you let that judgment define you. But look at who she married.” I roll my eyes. “If your mom had been gay, she would have saved us all from her god-awful taste in men. Maybe that was part of her issue. She was jealous. She couldn’t bear for you to find a man who’d make you happy. Something she failed to find for herself repeatedly. It was fucked-up, but it was her fuck-up, not yours.”
I lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips.
“She was the one that needed fixing, not you, Abbot. She was so busy looking for a good man that she failed to notice she already had one in you. Don’t let the last couple years rewrite all the good ones you had with her.”
He kisses me, and I let him even as Hudson’s words ring in my head.
When I pull back, he tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear and sighs. “It’s not just her. You know what it’s like at school better than anyone.”
“And yet, here I am. If I can handle it, so can you. I’ll have your back always.”
I turn around and sit back down and close my eyes while he plays with my hair.
“I went to Railed. Some guys jumped me when I was heading back to my car. They called me a fag and started beating the shit out of me. I fought back, but there were three of them, and all of them were my size.”