Page 59 of Commit
“People suck. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“I recognized one of them,” he whispers.
I sit up and turn to look at him.
“His name’s Lewis. He was on the varsity team last year. I don’t think he recognized me, though. Thank fuck.”
“I’ve been with you to Railed. There’s nothing around there for miles.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I go there.”
“Then what were they doing there?” I ask.
He frowns at that.
“Maybe they were projecting because they feel the same way about themselves as you do. That doesn’t make it okay…” I let my words trail off as a worried look fills his eyes.
“That’s what I’ll turn out to be like, hating everyone and everything that reminds me of me.”
“Please, I’ll kick your ass before I let that happen. You only have a few months left of high school. Who cares what anyone thinks anymore? They already think you’re crazy for dating me. If anything, they’ll think you’re a king for leaving me for some hottie. Hell, they’ll probably blame me for turning you gay.” I shrug with a grin, though there is some truth to that.
“No matter what happens, you’ll always be my girl. You know that, right?”
I blink back tears. “I really hope that’s true.”
“Wanna tell me why you were outside crying in the rain like a crazy chick?”
“Not really.”
“Does it have anything to do with the hickey on your neck?” he asks quietly.
My hand flies to my neck, horror seeping into my bones. I can’t believe I forgot.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Calm down. I’m not mad. How can I be? I was with someone else until a few hours ago. You didn’t cheat, Starling. I was never really yours,” he says softly, his words stinging, even though he’s trying not to hurt me.
“I know, but I was always yours. I never… there’s only been you since that day in the treehouse when you told me your secret. You were trying to figure out who you were. I wanted to be there for you, not hold you back. I don’t think either of us expected to end up in this… whatever this is between us.”
“But we knew there would be an expiration date.”
I bite my lip, using the pain to keep my emotions in check. “Is that date now?”
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he presses his mouth to mine and kisses me again. I lose myself in him until he breaks the kiss and climbs out, picking me up and carrying me with him.
He walks us down to our room, his mouth on mine, neither of us caring about anything else. He tosses me on the bed and follows me down, kissing every inch of me, like he’s trying to tattoo an imprint of his lips on my skin. When he eases himself inside me, he wraps his hands around my wrists and holds my hands above my head as he begins to move.
I know I’ll have bruises from his tight grip, but I can’t find it in me to care.
His eyes don’t leave mine, not when my tears run down my face, not when his drip onto my heated skin. We hold on to each other, etching our love into our last goodbye. We come together and hold on to each other, scared to let go.
It isn’t until I know he’s asleep that I slip out of the bed. The bed that’s his now, not mine.
I wasn’t kidding when I told Hudson I’d given Abbot pieces of my heart. He earned them, and I refuse to take them back, even if this is the end of us.
I look down at him, knowing I need to leave, but my feet won’t move. The second I step outside that door, everything will change again, and I’m not sure I’m ready. So much has happened in such a period of time that I can barely process one thing before another hits.
My one constant was Abbot. He’s always been my anchor. Without him by my side, I’m scared I’ll just drift away.
I press my hand to my chest, willing myself to hold it together. This is for the best. I know it deep down, but it doesn’t lessen the pain.