Page 169 of Toxic Wishes

I sit in my car and stare at her. Her golden curly hair framed her face, cascading down her back. She looked like a Goddess. But the fact she has been through shit makes her even more beautiful somehow. I was fooling myself into thinking I would be able to resist her.

Regardless of whether she was Blake’s first, she would be mine now. I still had the lingering question in the back of my mind: why did he never claim her? Was he that messed up on drugs? Or was it because she was a virgin at the time, and he knew he couldn’t hurt her like that since he was in no position to be a steady boyfriend? It’s a question I’ll never know the answer to.

I opened the car door and closed it behind me as I walked up to where Abigail was. She didn’t see me at first, that’s how much she was in her own world, but when my foot stepped on a branch, making a cracking noise, she jerked her head in my direction. Her expression was not what I was expecting since she looked disappointed—actually teetering on the lines of pissed now that I was standing in front of her.

“What are you doing here?” is the first question that comes out of her mouth. “Actually, how the hell did you find me?”

“Lots of bribery.”

She raises one eyebrow an inch at that.

“And I’m here because-” I paused. There were many reasons, but the main one was, “I’m an idiot.”

“You didn’t have to come up here to tell me that Colt, I already knew.”

Her playful tone was back slightly, making me feel better about pressing further.

“So that’s it, you came here to apologize? Because If that’s all, know your apology has been accepted. Anything else?”

Remembering I had the CD she gave me as an excuse to be here, I pulled it out of my back pocket and handed it to her.

“No, I wanted to give this back to you.”

“Keep it. It’s yours. Hence why I had Josh send it to you.”

“I don’t know if I can handle not completely breaking down if I have it in my possession. I already cried while listening to it for the millionth time.”

She purses her lips together as she eyes me. “Place it on the ground. I’ll get it when I leave.”

Abigail didn’t want me near her, fear of me touching her, which killed every cell in my body because that’s all I wanted to do.

I was nervous about what I needed to say and had no idea how to start, so I just went for it.

“When I won the Super Bowl, the person I wanted to hug was nowhere in sight. And it reminded me of the feeling I had when I won my first game in the NFL.”

She looked up at me, the sunlight making her hazel eyes almost look like glass. They were sparkling.

“For so many years, I’ve been here but not truly present, just trying to do what’s best for my career and Bodie. I’m tired. I’m fucked up, but unlike you, I never faced it head-on, and this is me doing that.”

“I know Blake loved you, but I’m hoping from the stars above, the Gods above, or something above, that I will be forgiven; it’s the whole reason for you and Blake meeting in the first place, as hard as it for me to believe that shit, maybe there is some truth to the stars aligning crap.”

She folds her arms over her chest.

“What are you trying to say, Colt?”

I knew I wasn’t making sense, so I came out with it instead of stalling.

I swallowed hard. “I love you, Abigail.”

She winces as her eyes go wide. I guess this is a little shocking. “I fucked up. I thought by leaving you alone, I was doing you a favor, but the truth is, I miss you so damn much. I miss Blake. I love him, and I love you, so maybe it makes me a horrible brother because I want to take the last thing he loved, but I can’t deny that you are the only person who popped into my mind after we won. You are the one I think about when I lie my head down at night. You, Abigail, are the only thing that keeps me going. It feels selfish to admit it, but I’m done letting the guilt continue to eat me alive. By not sharing how I felt about you, I realized I was even more selfish to the person it mattered to most. You.”

“You, you love me?” She struggles to get her words out. I close the distance between us and kneel beside her, grabbing her hands. Her mouth drops open, but I shake my head. “No, I’m not proposing, but I am asking you to be with me, Abigail.”

Tears dropped down her cheeks.

“I’m crazy about you. Please tell me you feel the same.”

“You drive me crazy, and I want to smack you sometimes, but I love you too, Colt. Never stopped.”