Page 72 of Racing Hearts
“Hey, Alek,” Lally calls with a frown as I search the crowd.
“Where is he?” I demand.
Her eyes widen, and she steps into my path. “Nope, not happening, big guy. You need to calm down before you find him. I’m not having you raining all that down on him.”
Breathing heavily, I fist my hands at my sides and try to calm down. “I’m not going to hurt him.”
“You already have,” she says softly. It lands, and I flinch. “Alek, why don’t you go, and he’ll talk to you when he’s ready?”
“I can’t,” I tell her, and his laughter reaches me. The sound is more familiar than my own heartbeat, and so bright and beautiful it makes my soul ache. I fight the smile that wants to curl my lips because he didn’t laugh for me.
Moving past Lally, I follow the sound and find him sitting in the middle of the living room. He’s telling some story, and everyone hangs onto his every word. A girl has her hand on his thigh. She leans into his side, her eyes bright with alcohol and desire, and he doesn’t seem to care.
I feel like an intruder, and I hate it.
I hate that she’s touching him when I can’t.
I hate that he’s happy while I’m falling apart without him.
“Evan,” I call.
He turns, and the chatter dies down, every eye turning to us. I see people nudging their friends and whispering, but I don’t care. All I care about is how his smile dies when he sees me and he stands.
“Alek, what are you doing here?” he asks, sounding confused, a cup dangling from his hands.
“I’m here for you,” I answer without shame. He runs his eyes over me like he always does, but this time, when they clash with mine, there’s a coolness there I don’t like.
“How did you know I was here?” he asks, and it’s silent except for our conversation. I hesitate, and he frowns, heading my way as I move closer.
He meets me in the middle of the room. “I don’t like that she’s all over you,” I say slowly.
“You have no right to be jealous or pissed,” he retorts, crossing his arms.
“No? How about the fact that you’re out here partying when two people just died, and you’re drinking.”
He flinches. “To forget you,” he admits.
“You wanted space.” I step toward him. “This is as far as you get now.”
He stares at me, so sad that it breaks my heart. “Please stop, Alek.”
“I can’t,” I reply. “I tried, but I can’t. You did this, rich boy. You came after me, made me care, and made me need you,” I hiss. “It’s your fault.”
“My fault?” His laugh is so bitter, it kills me. “You’re right about that. It’s my fault for falling in love with you.”
My heart stops and then races. “You love me?”
“I do, and I’m an idiot.” He looks me over once more like I’m a stranger. “Because the truth is, Alek, you are never going to want to admit to being with me. You are never going to love me enough to get over that I’m not a girl. I know you’re hurting and fucked up from your past, but I can’t keep doing this.”
“Pretty boy, please,” I beg, reaching for him. “Let’s just go somewhere and talk privately.”
“Always private.” He looks away for a moment. “No, I’m done with privacy.” I swallow as he meets my eyes again. “If you want me, then kiss me right here, in front of all of these people. Otherwise, I’m walking away for good. I can’t do this. I can’t keep hurting myself just to keep you. I can’t love you if it means hating myself. Kiss me, Alek, right here, right now, or lose me.”
“I can’t,” I croak. “Please, please don’t ask me to. Please, baby.”
He nods, pursing his lips in a pained smile. “Then we’re done.” He turns, but I grab his arm. He looks back at me, tears swimming in his bright gaze. I hate that I put them there. I hate myself so much right now.
“Last chance, Alek,” he warns. “Claim me in front of everyone or let me go.”