Page 63 of Love is Grand
Cal and I never made it to the Ritz on our date. He looked so sad all dressed up in his navy dress shirt, chinos, and Ferragamo loafers, ready for a night out on the town ... or the beach.
“I’ve never had a date cancel for this reason,” he said sheepishly. “But it’s okay. I want you to feel better.”
I didn’t know whether he meant it or not. A tiny red flag waved itself in my mind. What would he do when the baby was sick? Or Weezie?
Without the energy to bring any of this up, I lay on the couch with a bucket, and Cal sat in the chair, unsure of what to do. Weezie brought me water and ginger ale until my mom picked her up.
After what felt like an endless evening, I sent Cal home around ten, and he didn’t argue.
The next morning, I woke up feeling fine, and Weezie begged to go to Cal’s. She swam, and he did his best to be attentive to me, until dinnertime when another wave of sickness hit.
After another call to the doctor, we agreed it was nausea related to the hormone surge, combined with my prenatal vitamin. She recommended one with a time-release on the B vitamin. Cal filled it for me on Monday morning before he worked from his rental house.
All we had left was Monday night, and since the new vitamins hadn’t kicked in yet, I spent it pretty much the same as I’d been spending my last few evenings.
Tuesday morning, I texted Cal to have a safe trip and we’d talk soon. I couldn’t stand the idea of an in-person good-bye after what he’d seen and my state. It was obviously not a turn-on.
Cal was a good-time guy, not ready for this ... whatever this was.
Cal
“You’re an absolute fuckup,” Adam said as he strolled into my office, then continued without allowing me to respond. “Wait. Haven’t we had this talk before? Several times?”
“Nice to see you too, brother,” I said. “Are you ready for lunch? Signed the NDA? This is a big one. You’ll send your baby to college with this one.”
We had a lunch meeting with a late-night TV host, a nice referral from the chef we’d worked with. This was a very nasty divorce in which the TV host was splitting from his wife of ten years for another celebrity. It was bound to be in every magazine and paper, drawing a lot of eyeballs. The fees would be generous.
“And your baby too,” Adam said, leaning against my doorjamb. “Remember the little baby boy tucked inside a woman in the middle of the Cayman Islands? The same woman who you apparently told that you hadn’t given her a ring to yet, and then mucked it all up by running the fuck out of there when she got sick.”
“For fuck’s sake, take a breath, bro.” I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. Without looking at Adam, I asked, “How the hell do you know all that?”
“You see, ladies chat. Rylan called Shell to say congrats on having a boy and to see how she was feeling. By the way, we’re having a girl. We found out yesterday. Anyway, Shell put on a tough voice and then apparently broke into tears and told the whole story to Ry. Of course, she made Ry swear not to mention it to me, but you know Rylan. Cal, your girl pretends to be detached, but she’s anything but. She was wrecked over this. Bro, you’ve got to get your shit together. You’re going to be a father.”
As his words sank in, shame crept up my throat, clogging what I had to say. Finally, I choked out, “I don’t know what that means to be a father. We grew up without one. You were all I had, and then you went on a rampage when Becca ended her life. I. Do. Not. Know. What. I’m. Doing.”
Everyone thought Adam had taken our sister’s death the worst. We were a freaking trio—triplets—and what was I supposed to do, carry on like normal? I worked, fucked, and partied, but no one saw how I worried. How I grieved.
I stood up and paced behind my desk. Sunlight beat in through the window and sweat ran down my back. I rubbed my palm on my chest and leaned over, trying to catch my breath.
“You good?”
“Oh, now you care?” I stood tall again and looked my brother in the eye. Without waiting for his response, I continued. “Like I said, I don’t know what I’m doing. I rented a house there, to be near her and her daughter. I leased a car. I mentioned a ring, but then she got sick. I’m not equipped for this, Adam. I’m the good-time guy. I panicked.”
Adam stepped close and laid a hand on my back. “Cal, I don’t know what I’m doing either, but I can’t imagine it’s much different than the way Mom loved us. Unconditionally.”
This made me laugh. “Maybe you, not me. When I told her I was having a baby boy, she asked if he was going to have a bris. Seriously, Ad. Her first question was is he going to have his dick chopped in some covenant with God during a Jewish custom. She knows Shell. She knows she’s mixed race. She knows she’s not Jewish. That was another way of saying she didn’t approve.”
I started pacing.
“Sit down,” Adam said. He sat across from me and stared me in the eye. “It’s a lot for her. I married a non-Jew, and I’m having a baby with this woman. You’re having a baby out of wedlock with another non-Jew. The skin color isn’t the problem for Mom. It’s the religion. She found solace in the temple group, and now she feels like she’ll be an outcast.”
“That’s absurd. She doesn’t realize everyone will be happy she’s a grandma. My fucking baby isn’t even going to live in this country. And you come and go from here.”
“We know that. This will take time. When I spoke with Mom, I told her it was Shell’s choice how she handled your son’s private parts.”
“Thanks.” I swallowed my pride. This was my brother. He was the caretaker, and I was the fuckup.
Adam shook his head. “I can see what you’re thinking, that I take care of everything. That’s not the truth. You built this business here. You find our clients, who pay us more money than I ever thought I’d earn. You’re a good guy, Cal. Get your head out of your ass. Shell got sick. She needed you to take care of her, not run away. It’s time you started thinking about getting old with someone.”