Page 88 of The Player's Club

But here I was, standing in front of Caroline’s grave as if her ghost would give me the answers I needed.To make things more obnoxious, it was a gorgeous, sunny day without a cloud in the sky. I felt hot in just jeans and a T-shirt.

Shouldn’t it be pouring rain? Or storming? That would match my mood at least. But no, the sun just had to shine; the universe just had to remind me that life could be warm and beautiful.

I snorted as I drank from the bottle of wine I’d brought with me.

“You’d laugh at me, wouldn’t you?” I said to Caroline’s gravestone.

On it was written Caroline Miller Bradford. A devoted wife and mother.Below that was a verse from Proverbs:Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.

“What a crock of shit,” I said, shaking my head. “Did you approve this headstone before you died? Because I really can’t imagine you did.”

I had a feeling Dave had chosen that verse as one last jab at his wife’s cheating. Why the man hadn’t divorced her years ago, I didn’t know. Did he have no self-respect? Because I knew for a fact that I wasn’t the only man Caroline had cheated with.

“God, I fucking hate you.” I slurred the words, but I didn’t even care that I was already drunk. I kept drinking, needing the burn of alcohol to banish every bad feeling that wanted to overwhelm me.

I’d thought I could trust Caroline, but she’d betrayed me. I’d thought the same about Elodie, and look where I was now. A pathetic heap of a man, drinking in broad daylight at his ex-lover’s gravestone.

I would’ve laughed, but I had a feeling I’d only start crying instead.

“I always defended you, didn’t I?”

If she were still alive, Caroline would’ve told me she’d loved me. That I was the only person who’d ever truly understood her. The first time she’d kissed me, I’d been shocked. Aroused. Terrified. This gorgeous older woman, the pastor’s wife, wanted me.

“Do you know how sexy you are?” she’d said to me, her voice sultry and low.

I was a gangly, tall teenager with acne. The last adjective I would’ve used for myself would’ve been sexy. But I wanted to believe Caroline.

She’d pulled me into an unused office at the church when I’d found her crying one evening. I’d found her crying before. She’d told me all about how Dave was cruel to her, how her kids wouldn’t listen to her, how lonely she was.

That night, she’d taken my hand, and we’d been in the dark together. I’d been sure that my heart would explode out of my chest. Then she’d kissed me.

I’d kissed girls before. I’d had a girlfriend my freshman year, and we’d had sex a few times. But sex with Caroline? That had been entirely different. She knew what she was doing. And she knew what she wanted. I didn’t have the strength to tell her no.

“Could I have told you no?” I asked her gravestone. “Because I don’t think you would’ve let me.”

After we had sex the first time, she’d begged me not to say anything. Dave would kill her. “He has guns,” she’d told me with tears in her eyes. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Considering everyone in Idaho had at least one gun, I had no reason not to believe her. I also didn’t want her husband to hurt her. What if he killed Caroline because he found out about me and her?

I’d kept her secrets. I’d kept the sex, the confessions, the tears, the arguments, the BDSM—all of it, I’d kept it secret. And I’d convinced myself that I was desperately in love with her. I’d decided that I was going to convince Caroline to leave her husband and run away with me.

I was eighteen by that point. I’d take care of her. I didn’t know how, but I’d figure it out. Wasn’t that what true love was about? Figuring things out just so you could be together? I’d shown up at Caroline’s house to tell her about my plan. It was Friday, which meant that Dave was down at the church. Caroline’s kids were at their friends’ houses.

I went inside, listening, when I heard groans. I rushed to Caroline’s bedroom and found her in bed with none other than her own husband. All three of us stared at each other. Then Dave jumped out of bed, red as a tomato, while Caroline laughed.

Laughed! I couldn’t believe it. The only thing that came into my stupid brain was to say, “I love you, Caroline.”

That just made Caroline laugh harder. Dave grabbed me by the arm and nearly yanked my shoulder out of its socket.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Dave snarled.

I couldn’t move. I had to make Caroline understand. “You didn’t have to do this,” I said.

She gave me a pitying look that felt like an arrow through the heart. “Oh, Mac, go home.”

Dave still held my arm. I pushed his hands off and shoved him to the floor so hard that he stumbled back.

Then I ran, Dave roaring behind me, the sounds of Caroline’s insane laughter making me wonder if I’d been the one who’d lost my mind.