Page 17 of Sinned

“You’ve been gone less than a week and you need to confess? What could you have possibly done?”

“Liam, I’m serious.”

“I am too, Charles. I know you. I’m sure you’re overreacting.”

“There’s a woman and whenever I see her, I can’t help but think about...” I stopped, not wanting to talk about the things I felt for Ava in that way. “It’s not just physical. If it was just that, I could handle it. I’m a priest, I’m bigger than the allure of sex. But there’s something about her. Had I met her before I took my vows, I’m not sure I would be a priest today.

“You didn’t take vows. You are not married. You made promises to God for obedience and celibacy. He knows we are human and He knows we make mistakes.”

“And that is why I need to confess now.”

The phone was silent and I imagined Liam brushing his hair back like he did whenever he was frustrated. Liam and I met in college and became fast friends. He was entering seminary school while I was considering the priesthood. He was not only my mentor, but one of my closest friends.

“Do you love her?” Liam asked.

“I don’t know. In some ways I feel like I just met her, in others I feel like I’ve known her my entire life.”

“I know that feeling,” he said softly. “Do you want me to talk to the Bishop about a transfer?”

“No,” I said before I had time to think. “You’re right, I’m making a big deal over nothing. I am not just a man, I’m a priest. I can control myself.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Charles

Nothing I did could get Ava out of my mind. Dressed in black slacks and a black button-down shirt, what I considered my on duty clothes when I wasn’t in vestments, I decided to go to the church and see what else I could do there. With so few people nearby, I was only having service to a handful of people each week. It left me with a lot of time on my hands, time I was spending with Ava instead of other priestly duties.

Ava didn’t know it, but she was turning my life upside down. I wanted nothing more than to see her, talk to her, but each time I did, I found myself wanting more. I took vows of celibacy and obedience when I became a priest, but every time I saw her, I only thought of breaking them. It was better that I kept myself away from temptation.

The church still smelled of the incense I lit at the last mass a couple of days ago. I needed something that would keep me away from her. Being around her so much was confusing me and making me think things I shouldn’t be. I needed to keep myself busier so I went to the closet and pulled out a dusting cloth.

As I slowly dusted the wooden pews, I heard the church doors open. It was a clinic day so I knew it wasn’t Ava, but I couldn’t deny that I hoped it was her.

Something crashed in the entryway so I went to check on it. A skinny man with greasy hair stumbled as he stood. On the ground was a tall candlestick. The man started to mutter and swat at the air.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

“I’m looking for the clinic,” he mumbled. “They got a doc, right? He can prescribe pills.”

“Yes, the clinic does have a doctor, but if you’re just looking for pills I don’t think she can help you.”

He clawed at his neck and groaned. “She’s gotta help me.”

“Come with me. I’ll take you there.”

There was no way I was letting this junkie see Ava in the state he was in without my being nearby. I opened the church door and he shuffled out into the sunlight and shielded his eyes.

The clinic was busy. The waiting area chairs were full and there were people standing around. Ava was the only doctor on staff so Ramon and a couple of the others helped triage the patients.

As Ava stepped out from behind a curtained exam area, the man I brought in pushed aside an elderly woman as he made his way to Ava. I was right behind him.

“You gotta give it to me,” he demanded. “Oxy, Tremadol, whatever you got.”

Ava took a step back as he approached her, but I could tell this wasn’t her first time experiencing something like this. She looked calm, but cautious. She slowly positioned herself so that a cot was between herself and the man. As I watched, I loosened the top button of my shirt. I was ready to jump in and protect her if I needed to.

“You can wait your turn like everyone else,” she said as she pointed towards the chairs. “When it’s your turn I’ll evaluate you and then decide if you're going to get medication or not.”

“If?” he shrieked.