Page 25 of Sinned

“You should go before you miss your plane,” I said.

He kissed me again then put the strap of his bag on his shoulder and grabbed the handle of the other. As he stood in the doorway, he turned back to look at me again.

“I hope you have an amazing life. Find someone who deserves you and will love you as much as...” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “Just promise you’ll forget about me.”

My throat was tight and tears stung my eyes. I wanted to tell him no, that I loved him and would never forget him. But I thought a lie would be better.

“I promise,” I said.

I just lied to a priest.

* * *

Although I wanted to finish my assignment in Amaru, each day Charlie was gone made me more sick. My stomach constantly churned and I was nauseous and weak. If it was one of my patients I would have run a complete blood panel on them, but it was me and I knew I was lovesick.

The church now mocked me every time I walked past. And every time I went to my room, I hoped that Charlie would stick his head out of his. After nearly a month of that torture I left a message for my contact at Doctors Without Borders.

“Good morning Doctor Abrams. This is Janice Cronmeyer returning your call. I heard you want to end your assignment, is everything okay?” she asked.

“Yes, I just need a break.”

“Of course. Are you going back to your home base or should I look for an upcoming assignment for you?”

“No, I don’t know to be honest. I haven’t spoken to anyone. I just need to take some time off. I’m going to spend some time at home.”

“It’s hard work being out in the field,” she said. “Maybe you could take a sabbatical.”

Sabbatical. Sabbath. Why did everything remind me of him?

“I’ll look into it,” I said.

“So, if you don’t mind my asking, where is home?”

I don’t know, I thought.

I thought about my parents, but I was ready to pull my hair out after an hour with them. We had moved so much for most of my life that I didn’t know where home was.

My mind drifted to Charlie like it usually did. He was somewhere in New Jersey and for a moment I thought of going there, but what good would it do? If anything I needed to be as far from him as possible.

“California,” I said as I thought about the west coast.

The sun and everything would be a good change for me. I didn’t know how long I would stay there, but I was slowly feeling better now that I had a plan to leave Peru and my memories behind.

If only I had known then how much my life would change in California. It felt like a blink and six years had past. Not a day went by that I didn’t see his pale blue eyes and think about Charlie or wonder where he was.

My life was good and I had never been happier, but whenever I thought about Charlie I missed him. I had a private practice close to the beach and I loved my life, but it was missing something--him. I didn’t know what he would say or do if he saw me, but I knew I had to find him. Life was too short to be without him any longer.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Six Years Later

Charles

I gazed out the window, watching the wind rip through the leaves. It was strange for it to be so windy in July, but it was a welcome change.

I should have been done with my Sunday sermon, but I was having a hard time focusing. The slightest thing distracted me and took me off course. I set my pen down as I gave up and my alarm sounded reminding me to prepare for confession.

All of the local churches still had regular confession hours, but once a month we held them in the old fashioned confessional. Most parishioners avoided the large wooden boxes, preferring to confess one-to-one like therapy. But both at Sacred Heart and St. Peter’s we had those faithful few who still wanted the privacy of the screen.