Page 29 of Sinned

Watching my son and his father meet was something I never thought I would see. Even as we flew out to see Charlie, while I hoped for the best, I never thought he would even consider leaving the Church. Everything he had said about looking for me and missing me was like a dream come true.

As Christopher and Sabrina left the hotel suite, Charlie spun on his knee to face me.

“When were you going to tell me I have a son?” he asked.

Everything with Charlie felt exactly like it was during our time in Peru. Including my not being able to always read him. Was he mad? Happy? Ambivalent? All I knew for certain was that he was surprised.

“I thought it was better if you met him first,” I said. “He’s been asking more questions lately and one of them is why he doesn’t have a daddy like the rest of the kids. It breaks my heart.”

He stood up and hugged me. I closed my eyes as I listened to his steady heartbeat. I was glad he couldn’t hear mine racing. It was hard enough to act normal when it felt like the whole room could hear your heart pounding.

“You shouldn’t have had to go through everything alone,” he said softly.

“I did what I had to and honestly I don’t have any complaints. I’m a doctor and I didn’t realize what my own symptoms were while I was still in Amaru. But once I got back to the States and I realized I was pregnant, my entire life changed. I wanted to give him the stability I never had as a kid and I just want him to be happy. He’s my entire world and I would do anything for him.”

What have you told him?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said with a shrug. “What can I say? Your father is a Father? How do I explain that? When he brings it up I’m pretty good at changing the subject, but the older he gets the more he realizes what I’m doing.”

“He’s five,” he said. “I’ve missed so much already. Why did you take so long to find me?”

“I almost called you when I first found out I was pregnant, but you made your choice. You left Amaru to come back here and remain a priest. What difference would it make that you had a child? Just as I didn’t want to be your second choice, I didn’t want him to be that either.”

“It would have changed everything. I would have left for him without looking back, just as I would have left for you.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. It made me angry to hear that he would have left for me because I still remembered his confusion and agony over his decision when he left. He needed to leave. He needed to make up his own mind without me there to cloud his judgment. He needed to stop thinking our love was a sin.

“You said what we had was a sin, do you think I wanted that kind of bullshit around my son? Our son?”

“Stop it,” he said gruffly as he cupped my face. “Listen to me. Our child was born from love. Yes, I thought how I felt about you was a sin because I was a priest and I still am a priest. But while it’s a sin for me to want you, it’s been hell being without you.” He lowered his head to mine. “I was wrong all those years ago. And I was wrong to not look harder for you. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t love you.

“I’ve spent every day thinking about you,” he continued, “wishing you would have stopped me from going. But you were right not to. You were always much smarter than me. I put myself into this hell and now I want out. I want to be with you, Ava. And I want to help raise Christopher as my own.”

I couldn’t look at him so I flicked my eyes down to the floor. I was torn between wanting him to change his life immediately and my practical side which said all of this was crazy.

“We can’t move this fast,” I said. “It’s not just about us anymore, I need to think about Christopher too.”

“I will do whatever you want. I’ll quit right now. I’ll move to wherever you want me to.”

“No, I need time to think. You have family here, maybe Christopher and I should move here. I don’t know. Everything is moving so fast. I never thought this would happen.”

He kissed my lips softly at first and then a little harder. I wrapped my arms around him and finally met his pale blue gaze. They were the same eyes I had been seeing for all these years even when Charlie and I were far apart. And I loved Charlie even more for them.

“You’d really move out here?” he asked.

“Well I did have that coffee cake at Evelyn’s, that alone sold me on the place.”

He laughed then his hands slowly traveled down my back before he rested them on my butt.

“You know, since I first saw you in the confessional, I’ve been thinking about something. How about we go make another baby?” he said as he kissed me.

“No, no more babies. I’m on the pill.”

“You were on it before and you still got pregnant. God works in mysterious ways you know. I say we try again.”

He squeezed my ass and I giggled and slapped him away.

“Stop it,” I said. “And don't bring God into this. I prefer to think that everything simply happens for a reason. Besides, Christopher and Sabrina are going to be back soon.”