Page 125 of Serenity
Shit, I knew that. But hearing it from her made me feel even more justified. For weeks, a weight rested on my chest, and there were some days I didn’t want to lay it all on Duke. He deserved a reprieve, too.
The assistance my family sought to provide would be more problematic than helpful. The cybersecurity companies Duke hired had been effective in clearing all traces of the recording from the internet. All we had to do now was locate the culprit. Restoring my reputation would prove fruitless. I had a choice in the matter: I could either die on the hill or stand on ten toes and triumph. Triumph didn’t mean legally attaching myself to a man.
“But at some point, you’ll need to fix things with your dad.”
“It ain’t happening today.”
“I believe you. How are things with you and Duke? Have you all discovered who was responsible for the leak?”
I sighed. “No. Duke has been beating himself up about it, but I’m beginning to feel like it’s all my fault we’re in this mess.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tori, I took the tape from his possession. He had a version on his computer, sure, but I took the original. Since taking it, I can’t find it anywhere.”
“I know you lyin,” she deadpanned
“I wish I was.”
The first week of the scandal, Colonial’s stocks dipped dramatically. Duke’s father wasted no time phoning him to tell him he’d be taking over the pipeline business. Our lives were falling apart, and we were galivanting through Japan’s countryside, giving little fucks.
Duke promised he was fine with the change. The oil business had been depleting him. While he loved to travel, traveling for business was far from fun, and he hated being away from me for weeks at a time. He still had Colonial Holdings and Genevieve. With extra free time, he spent it helping me with plans for the third and fourth spas.
“Find that damn tape, sis,” Serenity pressed, dragging me from an empire of thoughts.
“I’m trying,” I whined, dipping my head back until it connected with the seat. “I turned my condo upside down looking for that damn thing. I’ve looked all over Duke’s place as well. I can’t find it.”
“Damn, Reni.”
What did it matter anyway? Finding the tape wouldn’t make the public slander magically disappear. We’d already been exposed. The things done on that tape were worthy of high-priced porn. I’d let my guard down with the man I trusted and had a fucking ball doing so. Now, the entire world had seen.
It was guilt that fed on me, not regret. Guilt that I’d played a part in what happened. Guilt that perhaps—just maybe this shit was my fault. Guilt that I’d eventually have to release myself from and be accountable instead.
Supreme was right. Whatever phase my life was in, I’d have to coast it out. Not fighting against the currents. Not fearing what may swim in my direction. Just floating.
I left Tori’s office feeling helpless. Helpless and fucking exhausted. Instinctively, I directed Reed to the place where my nervous system rested. A place I felt most myself.
Duke’s place.
“Where are the marshmallows?”
Duke was stretched across the L-shaped sectional, mindlessly flipping through the channels before switching to Netflix.
“They not in the pantry?”
“I don’t see them!” I called out, bobbing, weaving, stooping, and standing on tip-toe, trying to locate the elusive sweet. Every week before my cycle started, I had to have a s’more or two. Since last Christmas, I’d become an addict, stuffing them in my oven to get them brown. Broiling the marshmallows in the oven didn’t hit the same as over a fire. Since Duke had a firepit, I often found myself at his house to roast them.
“Right here, Bumble Bee.”
From behind, Duke’s voice reverberated, causing me to jump at his unexpected proximity. His lips were on my neck in an instant, laying kisses and causing my knees to buckle.
“This is me checking in.”
“I can’t find the tape,” I blurted.
I was tired of keeping my slip up from him. We were building something together. A future in which I didn’t want to string lies or dishonesty into. He’d been so hard on himself for not having enough firewalls and shit on his laptop, but this loss we’d slowly been transforming into a win likely wasn’t his fault. In the last few weeks, we’d experienced a shift. I’d experienced a shift. It felt like the weight of responsibility concerning our little porno was rightfully on me.
Snubbing his nose, Duke tilted his head and readjusted his stance. “What do you mean?”