Page 19 of Grumpy Orc Daddy
I shake off the thoughts of how it would feel to be something more. The desire to hold her in my arms is lingering beneath the surface and I curse as I force myself to push it away.
I need to figure this out. The thought of exploring a deeper relationship with Rayna fills me with a hope I haven't felt in a long time. Yet, I'm cautious. I can't let my newfound feelings disrupt the stable life we've built for Lily. She's my world, and I won't risk her happiness for anything.
For now, I decide to watch and wait. I want to see if Rayna feels the same way, if there's a chance for us that won't upend everything else. I'll keep my guard up, tread carefully, and maybe, just maybe, let myself hope a little. After all, even an orc like me can't fight every battle with brute force. Some, I'm learning, require a gentler touch.
CHAPTER 11
Rayna
Iwake up the next morning as the sunlight shines on me through my window. I hold the pillow over my face to shield myself, feeling groggy from the up and down with Lily. My mind is swirling with thoughts of last night and the intimacy that grew between Janta and me.
The emotional intimacy leaves me feeling troubled as it adds to the conflict of my growing feelings for him. I really like him, and not just because we're stuck in this situation together. My heart races as I replay the moment we almost kissed. My breath catches and it's as if I’m there all over again.
"What am I doing?" I groan. The uncertainty weighs on me as I grapple with the decision to embrace my feelings or keep my guard up. Knowing that he's out there right now has my nerves on edge as I get up and shower, getting ready for another day of parenting.
As I step out of the shower, the steam seems like a metaphor for my current state of mind—clouded and unclear. I quickly dress, picking out something casual yet flattering, a subconscious nod to the fact that I'll see Janta in just a few moments.
I head to the kitchen to start breakfast. The scent of coffee fills the space, a minor comfort. Janta is flipping pancakes with a practiced hand. His presence, so strong and assured, sends another wave of conflicting emotions through me.
"Morning," I manage to say, my voice steadier than I feel.
"Hey," he replies with a smile, not looking up from the stove. "Sleep well?"
"Not really," I confess, pouring myself a cup of coffee. "Lots on my mind, I guess."
He turns then, his eyes searching mine, a flicker of concern passing over his features. "Why not?”
I hesitate, the memory of our almost-kiss flashing vividly in my mind. My heart skips, but I shake my head. "Just a long night of worrying about Lily," I force a smile, sipping my coffee to hide the tremor in my voice.
"Understood." He nods, turning back to the pancakes. I watch him for a moment, appreciating his ease and comfort in our shared space, wondering if there will ever come a day when I don't feel this joy and apprehension in his presence.
As I watch him here in the kitchen, making breakfast with such an ease, commanding the space, my heart flutters. My eyes slowly scan his muscles and I have to tear my eyes away before I risk getting caught.
Even though we almost kissed last night, I’m not sure what his feelings are, and I’m even more unsure about putting myself out there. Though if I’m being honest I was really hoping for that kiss.
I need to clear my mind. As Lily wakes, I turn back to Janta.
“Want to come with me and take Lily to the park today? I think she could use the fresh air after yesterday.” My words come out with more confidence than I feel, yet my nerves make me antsy as I wait for his answer, hoping he’ll say yes.
He nods with a smile that’s softer than I expect, further tugging on my growing emotions.
When I pick her up from her crib, I’m happy to see the fever has broken and she's in much happier spirits. By the time I come back out, Janta has the diaper bag packed and is asking me where the stroller is. I grab Lily's favorite baby puff snacks and hand them to Janta, who smiles before putting them in the bag.
The sunshine filters through the trees, casting dappled shadows on the ground as we find a spot near the playground. Janta sets up a blanket, and I gently place Lily down. She’s eager to crawl and explore, her little hands reaching out for the bright colors of the play area.
“We’ve got everything, right?” I ask, my voice carrying a slight edge of anxiety.
Janta nods, unfolding the stroller with practiced ease. “Extra clothes, diapers, wipes, and her water bottle. We’re all set.” He flashes me a reassuring smile, and I feel a twinge of guilt for my lack of trust. It's just that everything feels so fragile lately.
Lily’s laughter pulls me back from the edge of my worries. Janta and I take turns pushing her on the swings, her joy infectious, grounding me at the moment. Watching him with her, his face lights up with genuine delight.
“Look at her,” I say, the words slipping out as I stand next to Janta. “She’s so happy.”
He looks over at me, his eyes softening. “She’s not the only one,” he replies, and for a moment, the air between us thickens.
The park is filled with the sounds of other children playing, but in this small bubble, it feels like we’re the only ones in the world. I take a deep breath, letting the fresh air and laughter wash over me. For a moment, everything feels perfect, and I wish it could always be like this—simple, joyful, uncomplicated.
As the sun climbs higher in the sky, it grows warmer, and Janta's attentiveness doesn't waver. He's constantly checking on Lily, ensuring her little cheeks aren't getting too flushed from the sun.