Page 36 of Renegade Kings
The thing we hadn’t talked about yet and the thing I couldn’t decide if I was excited about or dreading.
They kept telling us that this first shift was important. That it could be dangerous for those around us if we lost control. It was like none of them realised how on the edge I was all the fucking time. Control wasn’t something I needed to worry about tonight. It was something I worried about every second of the goddamned day.
The wolf was always there. Always pushing. And sometimes I didn’t even want to fight him, because I wanted the violence too. Especially whenever fucking Rhidian had come to the door. I didn’t even care that he was bringing us the things we needed, the things she needed. If anything, it made me hate him even more.
Rhidian needed to die. The wolf was convinced, and since I’d found out what he’d done to Alyssa, what he’d signed her up for, I hadn’t been able to think of a single reason why he shouldn’t.
I felt my teeth start to elongate as the saliva pooled in my mouth at the thought of the violence I wanted to bring. At the pain I’d make him suffer. My bones ground as they moved before shifting back to how they had always been.
He was so close now. I didn’t think I’d make it to the night.
“Dean!”
My head snapped in Ryder’s direction, and I saw the concern on his face. It was enough to calm my simmering temper away from the inevitable explosion it had been building towards.
“What?” I gritted out, the gravelly tone of my voice proof of how much I was struggling with the wolf inside.
And then she walked into the room. A calm that only she could inspire swept over me and the wolf was finally quiet, slinking into the back of my mind, content to watch the woman in front of us. His obsession. His mate.
Alyssa walked straight towards me, stepping into my side as my arms closed around her. I dipped my head, running my nose along the length of her neck and inhaling her scent like I always seemed to do. It was like a drug to me now. I wanted to bathe in it just so I could keep it close. The wolf approved.
“What were you thinking about that had you so lost in your own head?”
“I was thinking about killing Rhidian,” I admitted, not even slightly ashamed to admit it aloud.
Maddox snorted in amusement. This, unfortunately, wasn’t all that different to how I’d always been, no matter how much I wanted to blame it on the wolf.
“You’re not the only one,” Tank muttered as he reached for another armful of books and moved them over to the desk he’d been working from. “The boy needs to be shown his place, and then he needs to beg at Lys’ feet for forgiveness. Right before I tear off his head.” Apparently, I wasn’t the only one struggling with my animal.
It was nice to not be the only violent one in the group. Comforting even.
Alyssa shook her head, and it just made me cling to her tighter. She wasn’t angry enough about this whole thing and it worried me that she was just accepting her fate rather than fighting it. Didn’t she realise that there was no way we were going to let this happen? Even if I had to smuggle her out of this realm against her will, there was no way she was stepping foot onto any battlefield. I didn’t care how strong she was. The risk was completely unacceptable.
“I found something,” Maddox shouted before pulling out the book again and slamming it in with more force.
“Is it an anger problem? Because I can only cope with one Dean at a time,” Ryder quipped.
My wolf practically grinned in glee. He couldn’t wait for Ryder to shift so he could put his wolf in his place, and it was worrying me.
Maddox glared over his shoulder at our friend before pulling out the book again and slamming it back onto the shelf. I heard it that time, but from how Alyssa winced, she hadn’t realised what Maddox was trying to get at.
“It’s hollow behind here,” Maddox added.
Alyssa immediately drifted from my side, and I hated every second of it. It made my teeth ache with a need to bite, to claim, but I held onto my wolf with the ironclad restraint I’d been building for the past couple of days.
It wasn’t time yet.
She wasn’t ready.
Tank and Ryder moved with her, crowding around Maddox as they started to excitedly remove the books from the surrounding shelves. I should help too, but instead I drifted further away. Their close proximity made it harder to keep the wolf in check, and the last thing we needed now was for him to finally get his wish and tear this place apart. We couldn’t risk damaging whatever Maddox had found. Not if it was going to give us the answers on how to keep her safe.
That thought gave the wolf pause. He stalked to the edge of my mind, frustrated but at least willing to hold back for now. My gaze darted to Alyssa, knowing I needed her back at my side to stay calm but also not being willing to admit it aloud. I couldn’t show that weakness. I couldn’t attach that label to her and put her at an even greater risk. We didn’t know who we could trust here, and even if it made no sense, I’d take every precaution to keep her safe. Because who was I? Definitely not someone important enough for anyone to consider fucking with. I was just a weapon, waiting to be wielded by the woman who held my soul.
“There has to be some kind of latch…” Alyssa started as Tank punched his fist through the back of the bookcase where Maddox had been standing before. “Or we could just do that.”
Tank pulled his fist out of the wall with a shrug, swiping away the shards of wood that were embedded in his skin, not even bothering to look at the wounds. They’d heal quickly, especially if my own situation was anything to go by.
My hand drifted to my stomach as I searched through my shirt for any sign of what had happened. I still remembered the burning feeling as the blade was wrenched from my side. The betrayal had stung just as much when I saw the blank look in Damon’s eyes. I’d known he was lost to us then. He wasn’t the man we knew from back in the human world.