Page 67 of Renegade Kings

Most of all, though. They didn’t need newcomers looking over their shoulders, questioning their actions and making them feel worse.

“You know what, maybe we should leave you guys in peace to do what you need to do,” I suggested. “We were actually here looking for Fizzle in relation to something unrelated. If you wouldn’t mind swinging by when you’re done here, Fizzle, there’s something we’d like to talk to you about.”

He nodded sadly at me, jumping from the tabletop and gliding to the ground as he gathered the fallen pieces. My fingers itched to help him, but I knew we were intruding here, and the best we could do was back away. We hadn’t earned our place here yet. Maybe in time we would, but for now, the best thing we could do was back away and give them some peace.

Chapter 24

Dean

Ilistened at the window, hearing Tank make sure our mate knew what she’d done was wrong, and a dark smile spread across my lips. This was what she needed. Boundaries and reinforcement. It was going to be the most fun I’d had in years. As much as I wanted to be the one to help show her we’d always be around, I knew I wouldn’t be much good for her right now.

I was too pissed off to be gentle with her. Too far into the wolf.

He snarled in the back of mind in disagreement, but it was proof enough for me.

It wasn’t all her fault that I was struggling with the wolf, though; I was still kicking myself for letting her slip past me. I watched her walk into that bathroom and I should have waited for her to walk out. Instead, I fell asleep. Anything could have happened to her out there and it would have all been because I didn’t have the common sense to stay awake and see her for the flight risk she was. It wasn’t her fault; this was her default setting.

For her entire life, all the important people in Alyssa’s life had taught her to run and hide. That she couldn’t be her beautiful self out in the sun. We needed to show her another way. Show her that she didn’t have to be afraid of standing out, standing up and kicking ass in her own way.

The forest floor crunched beneath my feet as I followed the now familiar path down to the lake. There was something comforting about that place. It should horrify me to stare at the ground I’d laid dead on, even if only for a moment.

It didn’t.

My whole life was one fucked-up scenario after another. I’d probably spin out if normal ever happened to me. My default setting was protect at all costs. Sometimes those costs were pushed onto others, though, and the pit I usually kept myself in just got deeper.

Alyssa was the light at the top of the hole. She was the only motivation I needed to do anything. If everything I’d been through had been to get to this point, I’d never regret a thing. Maybe that was what I needed. Perspective was a beautiful thing when it didn’t end with you realising you were the villain after all.

I walked down to the water’s edge, deep in the thoughts of the people I’d hurt in life. Having the career I did, the parade of faces that flashed through my mind didn’t come with names, and I didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

For once in my life, staring out across the water’s surface calmed the storm inside me. I felt at peace here, and that wasn’t something I’d ever been able to say before. I didn’t know what it was. In fact, it was probably a combination of it all.

Alyssa.

The wolf.

A power to actually help those who needed it.

An opportunity to let myself be happy.

Nymeria had never sounded scary to me. Even when Alyssa had been trying to convince us all that we’d end up dead if we came here. She didn’t get that it was just an average working day for us. We walked the line between life and death like it was our favourite hike, and we got the same rush doing it, too.

But now we were here, now that we’d learned more about the possibilities Nymeria held, it just felt like the promise for a future I’d never let myself dream of before.

Maybe it was one more thing to add to the ‘definitely fucked in the head’ column, or maybe it was me finally finding my place in the world. Who the fuck cared?

I was here; I was weirdly happy, and I had someone in my life that I wanted to fight for. Something finally worth all the pain and the tortured memories. Fuck, I might have actually stumbled into finding a cause. It might even mean I was becoming a better man. Well, let’s not push it too far. This didn’t feel like the place where people thought miracles happened, even if all the evidence was to the contrary.

The thing with finding the someone you wanted to hold on to for the rest of your life was that in a place like this, you needed to be strong to do it. And looking around at the world we found ourselves in, where even the trees could move and swallow you whole, I knew I wasn’t strong enough.

But I could be.

I already had been when I’d last stood in this spot.

I could recall the rush of magic, the way it flowed through my body, entwining with the need to protect. It was like lifting a foot, ready to take the first step off a ledge, but then someone pulling you back just before you could fall. I’d felt the buildup, the anticipation, but not the release. And I knew that until I could figure out how to release what I held inside, I wouldn’t be any use to anyone.

So here I was. Standing in front of the biggest body of water I knew of, trying to figure out how to make waves.

And I had absolutely no idea where to start.