Page 103 of Emerald Vices
I swore to protect Natalia, but there are some things I can’t save her from. “Where’s the damn epidural?”
The nurse who just brought Natalia more ice chips is gray-haired, stocky, and completely unfazed by my growling. “Labor hasn’t progressed far enough for an epidural. Be patient.” She leaves the room with a quick nod in Natalia’s direction.
“Will you stop harassing the staff?” Natalia gasps between contractions. “They know what they’re doing!”
“You’re in pain. They need to fix it.”
She grabs my hand and squeezes it hard. “Giving birth will fix it. Pain is part of the solution.”
“I despise seeing you like this.” I dab a wet washcloth across her forehead.
If I can’t yell at the nurses, then I can keep her cool and hydrated. It’s easier than focusing on my racing heart or the question trying to burrow out of my skull.
Am I ready to be a father?
“I need to walk,” Natalia announces, shoving her blankets off the hospital bed. “I need to move. I can’t sit here anymore.”
I help her up and follow her as we do laps around the small room. When a contraction hits, she doubles over, and I rub soothing circles along her back.
“God, that hurt,” she groans.
“Do you need more ice chips? I can have Kat or Mila run down?—”
“No.” She waddles forward, continuing her looping path. “I just want to walk.”
Another nurse walks in with more wet towels. “Where’s Dr. Abdulov?” I bark at her.
The woman jolts like I’m holding a gun to her head. “He’s doing the rounds. He’ll be here soon to check on things.”
She flees from the room, and Natalia laughs. “Maybe you should try some deep breaths with me.”
“I can breathe just fine. Sit back down.” I help her back onto the bed and rearrange the pillows behind her back. “Comfortable?”
“Is that a trick question?”
I slide in behind her on the bed. She leans forward, and I work my thumbs into the knots on her lower back. She moans, and I can’t tell if it’s in pain or relief.
“You don’t have to stay in here with me the whole time, you know,” she mutters. “If you need a break, you can send Annie or Kat in for a bit. Mila. Anyone.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“You don’t need to watch this. We both don’t have to suffer.”
“There’s nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be, Natalia. Not even you can get me to leave.”
“I just meant—” She clenches her teeth and the words die on her lips. I move to the end of the bed and rub her swollen feet. “Forget it. Just… talk to me. Say anything.”
Anything. What do you say to the woman who’s about to bear your children? What do you say to the light of your world in the midst of a storm that threatens to blot out every last bit of her?
I open my mouth and pray that the right thing emerges. What I hear shocks even myself.
“I’m going to marry you one day.”
She squints at me through the pain. “You’re just trying to distract me from the pain. To be fair… it’s kinda working.”
“I am trying to distract you. But I also mean it.”
“Seeing my swollen ankles and sweaty back is turning you into the marrying type, huh?”