Page 18 of Hawk

“You’re right,” I say. I have no defense. I sit here and eat, forcing this food down. I’m hungry and nervous all at the same time. The food doesn’t even taste good anymore.

“But, you know what? That’s neither here nor there, is it?” he fires.

He gets up from the table and tosses his ceramic plate into the sink so hard, it breaks. I instantly jump in my chair from the flashbacks of coming from an abusive situation. I’m still on edge for that. Apparently, I have two men angry with me now.

“The only reason you’re here—in my house—is because of Lilly. I don’t trust you and never will trust you to be the kind of woman to have my back even when I’ve done nothing but have yours!”

Tears fall from my eyes when he exits out the back door and slams that, too. I scramble to dry my eyes when I hear Lilly singing her ‘ma-ma’ song as she enters the kitchen.

This is downright awful. I don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I was never this weak, crying woman, running scared from a man. I was strong. Powerful. I could do anything. Now, I don’t even recognize myself.

I pick up Lilly and feed her a little apple sauce. After I mince up a piece of sausage, I feed her some of it as well. Going forward, I’ll lay low, keep quiet and stay out of Gideon’s way. I don’t want to be out on the streets again, and I definitely don’t want Gideon trying to take my daughter away from me while I’m in this state of transition.

Chapter 6

Gideon

I had to get out of there.

I’m sitting at the bar at Speak Easy, listening to jazz that sounds more like the blues at this point. Perhaps I should’ve gone to the clubhouse where I could get all of this off of my mind, pull a Beauty in the backroom and relieve some pressure. That sounds good right about now.

Sheol slams his fist into my shoulder and says, “You made it.”

“I told you I would.”

“What you drinking?”

“Jack. Straight.”

He summons the bartender to order one for me, then joins me at the bar. He says, “When I saw you the other night, you looked like you had a lot on your mind.

“You could tell, hunh?”

“Yep. It’s all over your face.”

“I’ve been going through it with my ol’ lady.”

The bartender sets the glass in front of me and I take a long sip and say, “Ah…that’s what I needed,” feeling the alcohol burn down my esophagus, hoping it solves all of my problems, but I know that’s impossible.

“Anything you care to talk about?”

“How about I give you some advice, Sheol?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t get married.”

He chuckles. “Okay. Spill. What’s going on?”

“Ivy came to see me a few days ago, and she has my kid, man.”

“You have a kid?”

“Yes. A daughter. I didn’t know she existed until Ivy brought her to the clubhouse. And I haven’t even been fatherly to my own child. What kind of man does that?”

“One who didn’t know he had a kid in the first place.”

“But I know now, and I want to be a part of her life. I just don’t know how being that her mother and I are not on good terms.”