Page 32 of Hawk
The sound of Gideon’s voice immediately puts me at ease, even though he was pissed at me earlier. I take the chain off the hook, unlock the deadbolt and open the door to find him standing there in his motorcycle jacket with a white shirt beneath. He has on a pair of rugged, faded black jeans and his signature silver wallet chain hanging from a belt loop. I realize something at this moment – this is the man I fell in love with. The man I married. He didn’t change. I’m the one who switched up on him and expected him to fall in line with the way I wanted him to be – the way I envisioned my life when, honestly, our lives were just fine the way it was.
I suppose it’s too late to confess that to him now. Besides, I know he’s here to see Lilly – not me. Not after the way he left us earlier.
“How did you know where I lived?”
“I can find out anything I want about my own wife,” he answers arrogantly. “Are you not going to invite me in?”
I step aside and say, “Come in.”
He strolls inside, looks around, and says, “So, this is your new home.”
“Gideon, I don’t want to fight with you, okay? I’ve been through enough.”
“And I haven’t?”
He sets those brown eyes upon me heavily and asks, “What did I do that was so bad, you had to leave me? I’ve always been there for you, Ivy, but the moment I needed you the most, you turned your back on me.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” I began, “But that’s because I felt like you turned your back on me. The most important thing to you was the motorcycle club and all of the illegal activities going on there.”
“You don’t know what goes on there because you never took the time to look into anything that I was a part of. Everything was about you.”
“No—it was about us. I didn’t want you being a part of the club because I didn’t want you to wind up in jail.”
“And that’s what happened, but in a twist of fate, look who you ended up with—a man who did the crime that I got locked up for. A criminal.”
“Wait—what?”
“Yeah…Cash was one of the accomplices in the bank robbery. I suppose that’s the money he used to wine and dine you with—to make it appear he has a successful life when the reality was, he had nothing. I’m no saint, but I don’t run around here robbing banks and I definitely don’t abuse women.”
I hold my head, sick of the back and forth between us. I’ve been through too much to keep up this constant fighting. All I want now is peace.
I say, “Lilly’s in her room. She was sleeping—not sure if she still is. You can see her before you leave. Just lock the door on your way out.”
I walk away from him, go to my bedroom and shut the door for a reprieve that I desperately need. He’s upset – we’re at odds – I get that, but if there’s no forgiveness with us and no fixing this marriage, at least he can have a relationship with Lilly. That’s what I want the most. Her welfare has always been more important than mine and always will be.
I sit on the bed and drop my face into my hands. I hate this. I hate the feeling of being the cause of this dissension between us and sharing a pretty little girl who has to be stuck in the middle of our problems.
I look up when I hear the door open. Gideon comes inside like he’s ready for another round of arguing, but I’m not. I told him to leave but apparently, he has more to say.
He walks over to the bed where I’m sitting, kneels in front of me and reaches for the waistband of my leggings. He slowly pulls them down my legs and I let him because, honestly, since we made love at his house, I’ve been fiending for this kind of attention from him again. I just never thought I’d get it. But apparently, I’m getting it now.
“Gideon…” I whimper.
My cries go unheard. My heart rams in my chest when he reaches for my panties, pulls them down my legs and pulls them off. He settles his face between my legs and devours me. His tongue plays me like a stringed instrument. He’s relentless, too, causing my body to jerk off the bed. He puts his hands on my butt and summons me closer, encapsulating me inside of his mouth, moaning.
“Oh,” I gasp. The feeling is so overwhelming, my hips buck off the bed again, giving him even more clearance to my pearl.
“Gideon…”
He’s focused on delivering maximum pleasure, not on me calling his name. It turns him on apparently because he locks his mouth tightly on me, sucking and piercing me with his tongue. The pressure is so great, I don’t know how I can handle it. The pleasure, the aggression, the knowing that it’s him – the man I still love – yeah, I’m going to die a delightful death right here on this bed.
“Mmm, Gideon. Oh! Gideon. Ooooooh. Gideeeeeeon!”
My screams piece the air, making me afraid that I will wake Lilly. All I could hope for is that Gideon locked the door when he came in here for this premeditated assault on my body. Gosh, I didn’t know how this would go when he first walked into the room, but when he kneeled in front of me, I knew what I was about to get.
“Mmm,” he says, slurping. “I can never get enough of your taste, baby.”
He won’t take his mouth off of me. He’s taking all he can get and when he’s quenched his thirst, he stands up, removes his shirt and unzips his jeans. When he slides out of his boxers, I notice his tool is ready for me. I miss it just as much – miss the way he wrecks and stretches my walls as I try to handle his girth.