Page 108 of Blinded By Love
All I do now is shower to get rid of the thoughts of her and even then I still feel her around me. When I close my eyes I feel like I’m in her arms and she is telling me everything is okay and she’ll be back.
But it’s all a fucking lie because when I open my eyes she’s not there.
Closing my eyes at the end of every day has been my safe place. It’s the only time I feel like everything is okay because I dream of her.
I sound pathetic but I’m the only one who knows how I feel.
Natalia has been busy going through her own shit with Chris and her pregnancy. She found out she was pregnant not too long ago and I can't help but envy them because Chris and Natalia now have something that ties them together.
"Go away," I mutter, not wanting her to see me like this.
"No," she says, walking closer to me until I feel her arms go around my waist and her pressing her front against my back. "I am not leaving you."
"You should. You'll only get hurt."
"Then let me get hurt," she mutters, making me turn around.
Jaclyn puts a hand on my jaw while stroking my cheek. “I don’t deserve you. After everything we’ve been through, you’re still here. It feels like a dream being with you and I never want to wake up,” I admit, resting my forehead on hers. “I don’t want you to leave. I can lose everything and anything but not you, God, not you Jaclyn.” I press my lips to her forehead and breath heavily trying to calm down my heart. That’s why I hate holidays with family, they always make everything harder for me. “Please don’t leave me, Jaclyn. I’m a fuck up in so many ways and you’ve only seen a glimpse but you make everything go away when I’m with you. You should leave but don’t. I need you to promise you won’t. No matter what.”
“No matter what, Hayden, I won’t leave you,” she promises, making it forever.
But it was all a fucking lie.
I drive my fists into the closet door, getting mad again with myself and her.
I hear banging outside my door before Kayden yells, “You better not be doing this shit again,” and tries to open the door but it’s locked.
He’s been coming here every day making sure I’m not being stupid. I’m so close to being stupid and driving a fist into his face. His banging doesn’t stop making me groan and walk out of my closet and go to the bedroom door.
“What do you want?” I ask, glaring at him while he just glares back at me.
“Put some clothes on. We’re going out.”
“No.” I roll my eyes before walking back to the closet and trying to find a sweater.
While trying to find a sweater to wear I feel Kayden behind me and his fingers graze the tattoo on the back of my neck. I tense but let him touch it.
“When did you get that? It wasn’t on your back a few weeks ago,” Kayden says before removing his hand.
I roll my eyes and throw a sweater on before turning around to look at him. “If I come, will you leave me alone and stop asking so many goddamn questions.”
“Who was there for me when I was grieving?” Kayden crossed his arms over his chest, staring me down. “Who was there for me when I was going through hell thinking about Alexis’ ghost? You were. You got me out of there, Hayden. I’m not going to let you go through what I did. I know it fucking hurts.”
I know Kayden actually lost his girlfriend, forever, not just for a few months.
I’m acting like a child compared to him which makes me feel even worse because Jaclyn didn’t even die.
“Where are we going?”
“Get dressed and you’ll see. Wear some gym shorts.”
___
When Kayden pulls into the parking lot I see a club come into view. It’s different from the one in Yuma. This one looks expensive for one and multiple expensive cars are in the parking lot.
I spot a Lamborghini, McLaren, a few Ferraris, and some other flashy sports cars.
“Where are we?” I ask Kayden as we get out of the car.