Page 107 of Blinded By Love
I lick my bottom lip as tears fall from my eyes.
“I know, and it breaks my heart that I am breaking my promise to you, Hayden, but what do you expect me to do? You expect me to be okay because I got fucking kidnapped and destroyed?” I walk one step closer to him. “They took everything from me, Hayden. Everything you loved, all of that love I felt for you, they cut it out of me!” Hayden’s face looks so emotionless, like everything I’m saying to him is going in one ear and out the other. Like he doesn’t want to believe anything I’m saying is true. “I love you, Hayden. You are my everything but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t see anything other than Eric and Marco when I look at you. It hurts looking at you and being with you. Everything inside me feels hollow and empty like there’s nothing to save or look for. It’s all gone.”
“Just try.”
“I can’t,” I sob, tears running down my face.
I thought I couldn’t cry anymore but I guess that’s all I feel like doing now besides throwing up.
“Waste of a fucking year,” he mutters and turns around to bang his fist against the fridge. I flinch and move away from him. “Fucking fighting for someone who can’t fight a little more.”
“You can’t say that. I have been there every step of the way. When Eric was stalking us, when Marco was pushing your limits, when your family was degrading you, I was there! I was in that fucking room! Not you so you have no right to ever disregard my feelings or what I’m going through because you don’t fucking know!” I yell at Hayden while he stands there staring at me like I just smashed his world to pieces. “That girl you loved, she’s gone. She died in that room, Hayden.”
I’ve had many heartbreaks in my life that have felt like I could die from just that. How idiotic I was for thinking that was the worst. That was all before I let Hayden Night destroy me.
He destroyed me while loving me all at the same time.
Hayden doesn’t say anything, he just stands in the middle of the kitchen staring at me and the blood stain on my shirt. “You need to leave.”
“Did you ever truly love me?”
All I feel now is just a red hot fire inside me. I can’t help but feel enraged that he would even think that.
“I went through chaos for you, Hayden. I didn’t just fall in love with you Hayden, I fucking flew for you. I died for you in that room! Did you not understand a thing I said? Are you just trying to make yourself feel better that you weren’t there when I needed you the most?”
Hayden shakes his head lightly and he walks out of the kitchen past me to the foyer.
I love Hayden, always will. He made me feel alive and that little girl inside me who was traumatized from her father felt safe in Hayden’s embrace.
But the girl who went through what she went through in that room, who is going to save her?
Hayden turns around to look at me. A tear falls from his eye and I can’t help but let out a sob as I look at him.
“Please don’t make this harder. I just need to be alone for a while, Hayden. Trust me, it’s not you. It will never be you. I just can’t feel anything other than emptiness and numbness.”
Hayden walks towards me slowly and he wraps his arms around me and rests his forehead on mine.
We stay like this for what seems like forever until he kisses my forehead. I feel his tear on my forehead and that just makes me cry harder.
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting for you,” he mumbles before letting go of me and leaving without looking back.
No ‘goodbye’, no ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’.
No words left between us.
Fifty-Two
Hayden
It’s been five months.
I feel like I'm losing my mind but it’s not like she cares.
She’s the one who left.
The one who ran away as people keep telling me.
I’ve been either stuck in my room or at a club an hour away in Yuma. I’ve been drowning my thoughts in her. She’s all I think about even though she fucked me over and broke her promise.