Page 12 of Blinded By Hate

I try my best not to pay attention to ads that pop up with him shirtless on billboards and his name is big red letters. Seeing him always affects me because how can it not?

He was my world five years ago. He was someone I looked forward to seeing every day and he was someone I would spend all my time with.

Every now and then my heart and body wish I could just pick up the phone and call him but then the memories of that night haunt me and stop me from doing something stupid.

“No, she threatened to fire me and then also gave me a pay raise for doing this interview. She really wants me to do it and I can’t say no when she was going to fire me and then also gave me a pay raise.”

“Did you even explain to her what kind of person this guy is and how much he affects you?” Brandon raises an eyebrow at me and I just shake my head. “You need to tell her.”

“What’s done is done Brandon. I’m going to do the interview. I’ll be okay.” I put the laptop on the coffee table and bring my knees to my chest to hold them. “I’m just scared of telling him about Junior. I have to tell him.”

“No you don’t. Junior is your son, not his.”

“Hayden is his biological father. He needs to know he has a mini him out in the world.”

I’m just so scared of telling him. Hayden won’t be happy if he were to find out. I don’t want to tell Hayden because that would mean giving up my peaceful life with Junior away from him and the media.

Plus I’ve heard rumors about how Hayden is living his life as one of New York’s most eligible bachelors though there is a possibility of marriage for him with this one rich model.

Knowing Hayden is possibly getting married breaks my heart, which is why I hate thinking about it.

It’s a recent rumor that came up and I know rumors aren’t always true but everyone seems to believe that this rumor isn't very much of a rumor.

Hayden comes with fame and fame can be ugly.

“So you’re really doing this?” Brandon asks.

I nod my head. “Yea.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“Scared and nervous. I haven’t seen him in person in five years. We’ve both changed so much. I’m not the same girl he fell in love with and I’m sure he’s changed just as much as me.”

I have no clue how I’ll react to seeing him in person. I wish I could know how he’d react.

Will he still be mad at how we left things? Will he ignore me and not even answer my questions? Will he be pissed and start yelling at me about why I left him?

Not knowing the unknown feels like the worst feeling in the world.

“You’ll be okay. Are you ever going to tell Junior about Hayden?”

Junior sometimes asks me why he doesn’t have a dad like all the other kids in school and he even asked me if Brandon was his dad.

I tell him that his dad is somewhere in the world, saving people like a hero in the movies. I told him that Brandon is just his best friend.

I can’t use the hero excuse forever though, I know that.

I know that one day I have to tell him I kept him away from his dad in order to protect him. But I just hate how mad Junior will possibly be because if he’s anything like his dad, he will be pissed.

But that’s why I keep him away from Hayden before he is old enough to realize what I’m doing.

“I will. I just don’t know when or how.” I look at Brandon and give him a reassuring smile. “But it’ll be okay. I got this.”

Five

Jaclyn

Present