Page 13 of Blinded By Hate
I wasn’t able to sleep at all last night. I didn’t bring Junior into my room to sleep with me either.
I just needed to be alone with my thoughts as I process what the hell I’m doing today. Junior even asked me to pay attention to him this morning when he was telling me about his dream. I laughed it off and said I was just daydreaming when in reality I was overthinking every scenario that could happen with Hayden today.
Brandon kept giving me worried looks but I ignored him. He was being a little bit pushy this morning and I always appreciate Brandon and his help but lately, ever since I told him about the new pill dosage, he has been up my ass more.
“Ready to go?” Diego, the cameraman says from the driver’s side of the car. I look at him and nod my head while I smile. I clench my hands in fists before releasing them and breathe out slowly. Diego is my partner when it comes to interviewing people on video. He records while I ask the questions. Sometimes he will ask follow up questions here and there but most of the time, it’s me asking the questions. “Why do you look constipated?” Diego asks as we get out of the car.
I grip onto my notebook and hold it to my chest as we walk towards the arena.
“I don’t look constipated,” I argue.
“You kind of do,” Diego says as he holds onto the camera and other equipment we need. “Are you nervous?”
I look away from Diego and instead look at the large posters that showcase Hayden with his name in big red letters across his waist.
I called up Patience the day after I found out I was going to interview Hayden. She told me that throughout the interview I just need to block everything out. I could think of Junior because he is my happy place but then thinking of Junior at the same time I am interviewing Hayden would make things worse because that would just remind me that Hayden has no clue he has a son.
Junior can’t be my safe space today. I have to depend on myself and how strong I can be without him facing his father.
I wipe the sweat from my hands onto my dress as we walk inside the building, security holding the door for us.
For the fight, I’m wearing a red silky mini dress that has thin straps. It flows from the waist down which complements my shape.
I would have never worn this dress a few years ago. It took me a long time to bring my confidence back up after I had Junior. I gained so much weight and next thing I knew, I was back to hating myself.
I hated how whenever I looked in the mirror I would dread going outside because I felt so ugly. All of my clothes consisted of sweaters, leggings, or sweatpants. Even when it was hot outside I would wear large sweaters to hide what I really look like underneath.
“Have you ever been to a fighting match before?” Diego asks as we sit in our seats at the front.
The whole arena is filled with people. In the crowd I see a lot of red compared to green, which is the color that the other fighter reps.
Red is Hayden’s color.
“Yea, something like that.”
Only illegal ones.
The lights start to dim making everyone cheer. An announcer walks inside the ring and he taps the mic.
“Ladies and gentleman!” the announcer yells in the mic making the crowd go wild. “Welcome to the fight of a lifetime. Let's just get on with it and bring our fighters out!” the announcer says before turning to one area of the arena. “Let me introduce, Robert Chua!” I hear some people cheer but it’s mostly booing. Robert walks inside the ring and starts to warm up and throw some small jabs while walking around the ring. “Now let's bring out our heavyweight champion, Hayden Night!”
“No Church In The Wild” by Kanye blasts on the sound system as lights showcase Hayden walking out from the hallway.
My heart aches as I see him walk towards the ring. I can’t see him that well because he is far from us but on the big screen I see him clearly.
Just knowing that Hayden is only a few feet away from me makes the butterflies in my stomach swarm.
They shouldn’t be swarming because once that happens you just end up getting hurt in the end.
The crowd goes wild for him as he walks towards the ring, not throwing punches or anything, simply just walking. He looks up at his fans who are cheering for him, but behind those eyes, there is nothing.
Whenever I would catch him on TV or a poster, I would see nothing in those eyes. It’s like after everything that happened, he lost his light and what made him happy.
Hayden walks inside the ring with a familiar face behind him.
Freddie pats his shoulder and brings him towards his side of the ring.
Freddie is Hayden’s lifetime coach. Freddie taught Hayden everything he knows when it comes to fighting. I’ve always seen Freddie as Hayden’s guardian angel because he saved him from the streets.