Page 65 of Blinded By Hate

“Yea. I’m going to fucking kill him and then Marco next.”

I roll my eyes at him. “You’re unbelievable.”

“I’m unbelievable! You’re the one who got fucking carved and God knows what else but didn’t say shit to me that night.”

“Because we broke up!” I yell, getting frustrated with him. He isn’t making this any easier.

“That was because of you,” Hayden says, pointing a finger at me. “Because you didn’t want to stay with me. Because you were fucking afraid.”

“Why does it matter anyways? You’re getting married,” I say as tears fall from my eyes, finally.

I can’t fucking do this with him.

It hurts too much to talk about the past with him, especially because I sometimes regret breaking up with him.

Junior would have a dad.

I’d probably be happy and healed.

“I don’t fucking want her. I want you but you decided to fucking leave.”

I push him off of me and walk past him. “You need to leave. I won’t ask you again; go to your future wife-” I get cut off by the feeling of Hayden’s lips on mine. I wish I could just resist the fight and feel him move against me again but this is wrong. It’s all wrong. I press my hands against his chest and push him back. I look up at him with pleading eyes. “Please stop. Just being near you is hard. Every time, I have to hold my breath because whenever I think of you it’s a painful reminder that you’re not mine.”

Him doing all of this just makes me feel like a horrible person for wanting to be with him again.

But I can’t.

He isn’t mine anymore.

Hayden closes his eyes and rests his forehead against mine. His hands hold onto my jaw. “Five years ago, I promised you that I would do anything to bring us back together. I told you that I don’t break my promises.” Hayden sighs. “You know how fucking vulnerable you make me? I never begged anyone for anything yet here you are making me beg without even doing anything.”

“Why did you propose to Nicole if you weren’t ready?”

“Because it had to be done. I didn’t want to, God I didn’t because I knew there was still you in the world. But it had to be done.”

I shake my head against his and lean back to stare at him. “Then why are you with her if she doesn’t make you happy?”

“Because you weren’t here. I keep telling you over and over but you aren’t understanding.”

“Because you can’t just marry someone for the sake of marrying them,” I say but Hayden shakes his head and lets go of my face.

“You don’t get it.”

“Then explain it to me!” I yell, getting frustrated.

He is hiding so much from me and that’s what started this whole issue in college.

But I’m hiding way worse.

Junior, the pills, that night . . .

“Will you tell me what happened in that fucking room? Will you tell me what fucking killed you that night?”

Another tear falls from my eyes as I shake my head.

Telling him would kill him.

He will be furious and I’m sure he will find Eric and Marco and kill both of them.