Page 33 of Once Upon a Star

Aracely

Had Bash almost kissed me? Had I almost let him? Had I been disappointed when he hadn’t? Had that all really just happened?

I was still reeling from the idea of what had occurred, or more importantly what hadn’t as we ate our pizza. The tension between us had been building since we got back from the lake. It was so thick at times it felt like it was another entity in the room. I felt like I couldn’t breathe from wanting the man. Yet, every time I thought something was going to happen, he pulled away.

Bash could be the most caring and thoughtful person I had ever known and he had shown that in spades when he had gotten my favorite pizza from Gino’s. It had been years since I had it. I hadn’t wanted to because it reminded me of him. When I took my first bite, I was transported back to being fourteen-years-old and falling for Bash. I could remember the thrill of young love and the belief that it was going to last forever.

But we weren’t young kids anymore, we were adults, with adult issues. Just because I wanted to kiss Bash didn’t mean that he wanted to kiss me. Given the fact that he hadn’t kissed me when he could, multiple times, just kept reaffirming he wasn’t interested in me romantically. As I suspected, he had only wanted the chase, now that he had me or thought that he did, he had gotten bored. Why else would he get so close to kissing me and then use any excuse to move away and not try and get back to it?

We tried to keep the comfort we had as we ate the pizza but something had broken between us. I had thought that we were moving toward something more, something physical, but apparently, I was wrong. After the disaster of not kissing, yet again, and the awkward dinner, I just wanted to pretend the kiss didn't happen. If I couldn’t have him as a lover, I wanted to at least have him as a friend.

“That was wonderful; thank you for getting the pizza. I forgot how good it was,” I said.

“I was glad to do it,” Bash said as we got up and cleared the table.

There wasn’t much to clean up and the silence was deafening as we did everything we could to avoid being close to each other. The thought of having to spend another minute around him having awkward conversations and skirting around each other was daunting. All I could think about was getting away from him and the uncomfortable situation as quickly as possible.

“I’m stuffed. I think I’m heading into a food coma,” I said when everything was cleaned up.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to fall asleep on me on the couch again,” Bash teased.

He was trying to be playful and I wanted it, too. But the thought of being close to him for another night, of not kissing him, of not doing all the things I wanted to do, was too much.

“Then I won’t. I think I’m going to turn in,” I said.

The look of disappointment was immediate on Bash’s face. I was shocked by it. Had he not seen how bad it was between us? I would have thought he would be happy to have an out. As quickly as the look was there, it was gone.

He gave me a playful smile as he asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to watch a movie with me? I won’t tease you too much if you fall asleep on me. I’ll just wake you up if you start to drool.”

The image of leaning up against him, of feeling his chest next to mine, of having his arms holding me while I slept sent my mind and body into overdrive.

“No. I’m good. I think I’m going to read for a little bit and then call it a night. Hopefully, the weather will be better tomorrow and we can finish the hike,” I suggested.

“Oh, okay. Yeah. That would be nice. Um, good night, then,” Bash had stammered.

“You too,” I said and went to my room.

The sound of the door closing behind me seemed to reverberate through the cabin. I felt as if I was closing the door on any chance we could have together. I squared my shoulders and told myself it was for the best. He wasn’t going to stay in New York and I wasn’t going to move to California for him. There was no future for us.

Still, I had wanted to kiss him. I thought he did, too and it annoyed me that he hadn’t. I wanted to know what was going on in his mind. I wanted to know why he was playing these games. Did he even know he was? Did he want me? Did he care about me? Why did he come back into my life? Was he looking for a friendship? Something more? Had he wanted something and then changed his mind and he didn’t know how to get out of it? What?

I dropped down on the bed with a sigh and looked up at the ceiling. I had thought boys were complicated, but men were even more so. Well, one man in particular. I hated that this hung between us and that it ruined our evening. I wasn’t sure how much time I would have with Bash and I didn’t want to waste it fighting, or not talking. I had hoped, if nothing else, we could find a way to be around each other and not hate or want to tear the other’s clothes off. I couldn’t stand this uncertainty. I hated it even more when I knew I was as much to blame for it as he was.

Sitting up in the bed, I knew I needed to talk to him. We had been skirting around our past, our issues for weeks now. At first, I hadn’t wanted to talk about it because I didn’t want to think about it. Now, I did. The only way we could move on or be friends or whatever it was we needed to do was if we talked.

I got off the bed and quietly opened the door. I hadn’t heard Bash moving around and was half worried he had left the cabin, or had gone to sleep. I didn’t want to wake him if he was sleeping but I did want to talk to him if he wasn’t.

The living room was deserted and I thought for a second that Bash had gotten so annoyed with me that he had just left. When I saw that his car keys were still sitting on the counter with his jacket, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was overreacting. The man wasn’t going to turn tail and run because we had an awkward evening. I was sure he felt the tension, too and instead of talking about it, I had just run off to my room. He hadn’t pushed me, which I did appreciate but I almost wished he had.

I turned toward his bedroom and saw that the light was on. It was the only place I thought he would be. I took a deep breath and walked up to his door. I lifted my hand to knock but then stopped. I dropped my hand down and shook my head. I took a deep breath and told myself I was being ridiculous. I needed to talk to Bash; he was on the other side of the door. All I needed to do was knock.

Squaring my shoulders, I lifted my hand only to have the door flung open with Bash standing on the other side. He stepped back as if he was shocked to see me there. I stood dumbfounded as he wasn’t wearing a shirt. My eyes went to his chest and my mouth fell open as I looked at him.

He had always been very fit; I was sure with being a movie star and having some scenes where he had to be shirtless, he took care of himself. I had seen a few pictures of him on the beach without his shirt on. It was one thing seeing it in a magazine, it was quite another to see it less than a foot from my face.

“Ara,” Bash said.

Hearing my name and the slight annoyance with it had me shooting my head up and looking at him.