Page 38 of Once Upon a Star

Ara looked at me over her cup of coffee. I couldn’t see her face but the look in her eyes told me that she was not amused by my comment.

“What? Haven’t you ever had pizza for breakfast?” I asked.

“No,” Ara answered incredulously.

“Not even in college?”

“Especially not in college. I was studying. I needed to eat well. There was no pizza for breakfast.”

“What is the difference between having a pizza that has cheese, bread, and vegetables to say, having an omelet and toast?” I countered.

“It’s pizza.”

“And delicious,” I said and put the cardboard box on the counter.

Ara eyed me as I took out a slice and warmed it up. “Last chance to have one,” I said.

“I can have one at lunch.”

“Unless I eat all of it.” I gave her a devilish smile.

“You wouldn’t.” Her eyes were big with surprise and I was sure she thought I was going to.

“You’re right. I wouldn’t. I know how much you love this pizza and I wouldn’t take the last of it. It’s all yours,” I said.

“Thank you,” Ara said and blushed.

Ara liked to put up a good fight; she liked to make people think that she was strong, independent, and didn’t need anyone. And I was sure if she had to, she would do fine on her own. But she was a social person, she liked to help people but she had a hard time accepting help from others. Even if it was just making sure she got the last of the pizza.

I walked up to her and put my hands on either side of her on the counter. It caged her in and her eyes took in the closeness of my body before slowly looking up at me. She held my gaze as she took another sip of her coffee. I waited until she was done before I said, “I would do anything for you.”

“Bash,” she said.

She shook her head and moved away from me. I let her though I wanted to pull her back. I could feel her moving away from me, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I didn’t want it but I couldn’t stop it. I might have thought we were on the right track. I thought she understood what the night had meant and who we were. I could tell she didn’t, or she wasn’t ready to admit or accept it yet.

“Don’t. Don’t do that,” I said before I could stop myself.

“I’m not doing anything.” She put her coffee cup down and glared at me. I could almost see the walls coming up around her. There might be an attraction between us that she couldn’t deny. She might have let her body get involved but she wasn’t ready for her heart to.

“Okay,” I said slowly.

She tilted her head at me as if she knew I was trying to placate her. I wanted to take her into my arms. I wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. I wanted to say that I loved her, as I always had and always would. I wanted to make her understand that I was never going to leave her.

But I had given her those words before and I had broken my promise. I had said the words last night but they weren’t enough. She needed action, she needed time, she needed to learn to trust me again. I wasn’t going to get that by just telling her, but at least I could be honest with her.

“This is scary, I get it. This is a lot. We are a lot. There’s so much history and memories, and feelings, and a lot of other messed up stuff between us. I can tell you that I’m here. I want to be here. I want to see what we can be. I understand those are just words and don’t mean much to you.”

“They do,” Ara said.

I smiled at her, happy that she had been honest with me, too. “But they aren’t enough. I get that.”

“They’re a start,” Ara admitted.

“Yes, they are. But I can do better. I will do better. Will you give me that time to show you?”

She didn’t answer me but I could tell she was considering what I was saying. Her shoulders were less tense. There was a slight smile on her face. There was still worry, concern, and mistrust hanging between us. I wanted to talk to her, tell her everything, but she still wasn’t ready. We had taken a big step last night; for now, it would have to be enough.

“We both need this. There has always been something between us. It could be something great, or it could blow up in our faces. I think we owe it to ourselves and to each other to see which one that is. I’m not saying it will be easy. I’m not saying I have any idea what will happen. What I’m saying is, I want the chance to find out.”