Page 39 of Once Upon a Star

I reached out and took her hand in mine. She let me, looking at our entwined hands and then slowly looking up at me. I could see the fear, but also the longing, and the need. I hated that I could see that fear and knew I had no one to blame but myself. I vowed I would find a way to make it go away. I wanted her to only know love, happiness, and joy with me. I just needed her to trust me.

“It’s up to you. I won’t ask you for anything that you can’t give. I won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do, though I do have a few ideas. But please, give me, give us, a chance”

I held my breath as I waited for her to answer. I wanted to believe I knew her well enough that she was going to give in. If she hadn’t agreed or hadn’t wanted to hear me, she would have interrupted me. She would have told me I was wrong and told me all the reasons why. She would have walked away. But she hadn’t done any of those things. Even if she hadn’t said the words yet, her actions were giving me hope that she would do as I was asking.

A slow smile crept onto her face. She squeezed my hands and then put them on my chest. My heart rate increased and I wondered if she could feel it. Her eyes had a mischievous look when she asked, “What ideas do you have in mind?”

I knew at that moment, I had her. She was trying to make light of the situation because she needed to. She wasn’t ready yet to have the serious discussions we needed to have. We would, eventually. For now, all she was willing to give me was time, and I would take it.

“Oh, I’m sure I could come up with a couple of things,” I teased.

She laughed and it was music to my ears. The stress of the moment and in her shoulders were gone. She tightened her grip on my chest as she smiled up at me. “Care to share what they are?” she asked.

I leaned in and brought my mouth so it was inches from her ear. I could feel her tensing up but this time in need and desire. I smiled as I whispered, “We could finish our hike.”

She laughed again. It wasn’t what she had been expecting which was exactly why I had said it. I might want to sleep with her again but it wasn’t the only thing I wanted to do. There was so much more to us, to what we could have, than just sex and I wanted her to realize that too.

“We could,” she said and leaned away from me.

As if on cue, the sound of thunder came into the house and we both turned to see it was raining again. I laughed. I had been so absorbed in Ara and what we were talking about that I hadn’t even noticed.

“I think the hike might have to wait,” she said with a wicked smile.

“Well,” I said and pulled her closer to me. “Care to hear my other ideas?”

Chapter 22

Aracely

I had just been teasing Bash when I asked about his other ideas, I certainly thought he would come up with what he did.

“You don’t seem like the type of guy who plays board games,” I said to Bash as he rolled the dice.

“Come on? Board games are great. Especially on a cold, dreary day like this.” He moved his pawn and gave me a slow smile.

I watched as he did. Sorry was a game I had played when I was younger. The game was simple and fun and didn’t take a whole lot of strategy, if any. I wasn’t sure if that was why Bash had picked it or if he was trying to tell me how sorry he was by playing a board game that was all about it.

It had been more awkward being around him than I thought. I hadn’t counted on the feelings I had for him flooding me. I had wanted to convince myself it was just sex; it was just a way to get some closure between us. I hadn’t counted on it being more. I hadn’t counted on how nice it felt to do something as simple as make coffee and be able to look at him. I hadn’t thought about how it would feel to see him walking out of the same bedroom as me. I hadn’t wanted to accept that it wasn’t going to be easy to just sleep with Bash and walk away from him.

It was evident that Bash was happy, relaxed, and excited about the day. His easy banter told me he thought everything was fine with us, but it wasn’t. It was far from it. I wasn’t feeling the same way and had no idea how to tell him.

I didn’t want to think too deeply about how he had seen my concern, my distress, and found just the right things to tell me to make me feel better. He hadn’t promised anything more than what we had. He might have said he loved me, and that meant something, but it wasn’t everything. It didn’t solve the problems we had.

He hadn’t told me that I was more important than his career and he would give it all up to be with me. It wasn’t fair to think that he would when I couldn’t do the same in return. I could only give him this, I might love him but was I in love with him? Was it the type of love that I thought could stand being involved with him and all the ups and downs? We were caustic to each other at the best of times. We had always had a tempestuous relationship. Was it wise for us to get involved with each other again? Did we even have a choice? And could I ask him to move to New York for me when I would never consider moving to California for him? How was that being fair to him, or to our relationship?

They were all questions that I didn’t want to ask, so I didn’t. He had asked for the one thing that I could give him: time. We had two more days at the cabin; until then, I would enjoy being with him. I wouldn’t think about the consequences or what would happen when we got back home.

“Did you play this when you were younger?” I asked and moved my pawn.

“I spent many summers playing the classics.”

“Really? I would have thought with the beautiful California sun and weather you would have been out all the time.”

“Sometimes. Mom liked to kick me out of the house to go play, though I was sure that was because she didn’t want me in the house. What about you? Did you play board games much?”

“Nah, your move,” I said.

Bash took a card and moved his pawn before he said, “Why not?”