Page 40 of Once Upon a Star
I had hoped he would let the comment pass but I should have known he was too inquisitive when it came to me for my own good.
“It’s not nearly as much fun to play when you’re doing it alone.”
“Most things aren’t. It’s always better to have at least one other person in most activities,” Bash teased. He held my gaze and asked, “Your sisters wouldn’t even take the time to play a board game with you?”
“They were too busy for me. I couldn’t blame them, the one that was closest to my age had just started high school when I was born. We had nothing in common. I was an accident, and I’m not even sure my mother wanted me. She certainly didn’t spend much time with me to make me think she did. Why would my sisters? Most of them were out of the house, either in college, living their own lives, or married with kids. There was no time for board games.”
“Ara, I’m sorry,” Bash said.
“Don’t. I don’t want your pity. My childhood wasn’t great but it wasn’t horrible. I made do with what I had. I might not talk to my sisters or even my parents much, but it is what it is. It’s why I always admired your life and family.”
“We weren’t a Norman Rockwell painting, that’s for sure. Dad was so involved with his work; he didn’t have time for us. Mom used all the extra energy she wasn’t spending on her husband to concentrate on me and my career.”
“At least she was there for you,” I said.
“There was that, and in the beginning, when I had no clue what I was doing or how it was going to be, it was nice.”
“But?” I asked, clearly hearing it in his statement.
“Until it wasn’t. Until she got obsessed with me making it big and it kind of killed my parents’ marriage.”
“Your parents divorced?” I asked.
They had always seemed so close, so happy, a unit. Bash had painted the picture of a happy family and they certainly showed it at his premieres or during interviews.
“A few years ago, but they hadn’t been close for years. I think Mom wanted them to wait until my career was solid. Not that anyone cared. It was my parents, not me.”
“It still sucks when it happens. They’re your family. You don’t think that you caused their divorce, do you?” It was evident that he did.
“Of course. I was the one who wanted to be in movies. I was the one who pushed to go to all the auditions and classes. Mom could have stopped it or told me we needed to do things with the family instead.”
“She was the adult, that was on her to do. She saw the potential in you and wanted to cultivate that. If there were problems in their marriage, it wasn’t because of anything you did. Just like my parents couldn’t get me to fix their marriage, it wasn’t you who broke up theirs.”
“Your parents thought you could fix their marriage?” Bash asked.
I hadn’t realized I never told him that little tidbit of my life. Ella and Layla knew but there wasn’t anything about me that they didn’t know.
“Yeah,” I said and went to take a card. Bash squeezed my hand and waited for me to continue.
“I like to tease that I was an ‘oops’ baby. I mean, my father was in his fifties and my mother was in her forties. They shouldn’t have had me, but my mother wanted another kid, or so she said. I think she wanted a boy, but got stuck with me instead. See, my father was a great father to my sisters, she thought he would do the same with me, even more so if I was a boy. But it had been easier for him when he was younger. He thought when they got older, he could retire, do all the things he wanted to do, all the things he couldn’t because he had to provide for his family.
“My mother on the other hand was worried he would get bored and leave her if he didn’t have another child to take care of. She thought I would solve that problem. Unfortunately, my father was too tired from raising all the other kids to care about me. Mom, in turn, resented me because she didn’t get the outcome she wanted and instead was strapped with a kid.”
“Ara, you never told me.”
“You know me,” I said and leaned away from him. I brought my hand to my cheek and wiped away a tear. I sniffed and looked away from him. I didn’t want his pity and I certainly didn’t want him to see me cry. I had thought we would have a relaxing day; I had never thought it would turn into this. “There isn’t much to tell, really. I’m not one to dwell on the fact that my family doesn’t like me. Well, I wouldn’t say that. I might only get invited to any gatherings because they think they have to, not because they want to. It’s what it is. I made the best with the family I created, the one I wanted and wanted me.”
“Ella and Layla,” Bash stated.
“Yeah.” I could see the hurt in his eyes as if he thought I was going to add him to the list. But I couldn’t and it wasn’t right for him to think that I would. Even if I did want to consider him in that way.
“I had to make my own family. I had to make my own way. It sucked but I think I’m a better person for it. I don’t have anyone to worry about or rely on. If things go sideways, I have no one to blame but myself.”
“Sounds lonely,” Bash said.
“I made do and everything changed when I met Layla and Ella.” I almost said when I went to Winslow Creek Camp because I had met him too, but I wasn’t ready to include him in my change or tell him how much he had meant to me growing up. “They were the ones who were there for me, they were the ones who supported me and told me I could do all the things I wanted to do.”
Bash had, too, in so many ways. I had never told him, but he was the first person told I wanted to be a doctor. He hadn’t laughed or told me I couldn’t do it. Instead, he said how great I would be and had always supported me. As I looked at him, I needed him to know. Only when he did, would he know why I was keeping him at arm's length and why I always would.