Page 57 of Tailwhip
Fallout – Neon Indian
Goodbye, Anthony Ville.
After Ashlynn tells me goodbye and closes the door behind her, I grab the nearest thing in my reach, which happens to be my camera bag, and throw it into the wall. I yell “FUCK!” as it makes an impact. Realizing I have made a massive mistake, I immediately turn and run out into the hall to try and catch her, but she is nowhere already gone. I briefly contemplate going down to the lobby and try to see if she is there, but stop myself and go back to my room. I am not in my right state of mind from drinking, which Ashlynn more than likely smelt on me. I sit on the floor with my knees bent and my elbows resting on them. With my head hanging, I try to rationalize what the hell I just did. I have instant regret, because I just ruined possibly the best thing I had in my life. She’s not a distraction; she has never been one. If anything, while being back with her, my riding improved drastically. I was pulling off tricks that I never thought I could pull after having her back, which further proves she is not a distraction. She’s always been my biggest support when it came to my riding.
I sit on the floor until my legs go numb. I was so mean to her. I just tried to push her away, thinking she is better off without me and safer after the attack. My girl tried hard to not let me push her away and to hold on to her emotions, hold on to us, but after a while, I saw the cracks starting to form and like the asshole I am I took a sledgehammer to them and broke her apart. It about broke me to say everything tonight to her, but I had made up my mind before she got here that it had to be done. I finally get up, grab the bottle of rum I had stashed before Ashlynn came over, and polish off what is left. I’m trying to numb the emptiness I am feeling that I caused myself. Talking out loud, with my voice catching, I ask, “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?”
The next morning, I wake up with a nasty hangover from the bottle of rum I drank the day before. Feeling awful, I realize I've missed my flight back home, but I can't even bring myself to care. I get up, shower, and head out to buy another bottle. As I am walking to the liquor store, I pull up Ashlynn’s name on my phone, wanting so badly to call her and tell her it was all a mistake, but I stop myself and shove the phone back into my pocket. Fucking pathetic–I am at the liquor store before they have even opened. I stand in the cold and wait; after 15 minutes, the door is unlocked and I go straight to the rum, buying 2 bottles. I place them down on the counter; the worker tells me my total and I throw down the cash. The worker says, “Getting a head start, are we? Was it a bad night or is it going to be a bad day?”
Huffing out an unenthusiastic laugh, I say, “Oh, I didn’t tell you?”
The worker gives me a confused look, saying, “No…?”
Smirking slightly, I say, “Then it must not be any of your fucking business then, huh?”
With that, I take my booze and leave. I make it back to the hotel, paying for additional days because I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon. I go get up to my room and take a big swig of the rum, feeling the burn down my throat.
It’s been two weeks since I broke off my relationship with Ashlynn, and I am still numbing my feelings with drinking. I have several missed calls from Chase, Nash, and Nick. I have ignored all of them, not wanting to talk to anyone right now. I know they all just care, trying to see if I am okay, but truth be told, I’m not. I feel the same as I did during senior year when Ashlynn broke it off with me. No, I feel worse. I put myself back in the black hole. Pulling me out of my thinking, there is a loud knock on the door. Standing up on unsteady legs, I open the door, and Chase is standing there in the hall holding two cups of coffee. “You look like shit; I brought you some coffee to make you feel better.”
I just roll my eyes and let him in. “Everyone is worried about you; you aren’t calling anyone back. What’s going on? You missed your flight home and missed a competition. That’s not like you.”
Pouring some rum in one of the coffees, I take a sip. “Yeah, well, people change, I guess.”
Chase looks confused at me giving him attitude and drinking this early in the day. “It’s not even noon yet and you’re drinking?”
I take a deep breath to hold off my anger; I have no right to take it out on anyone, but myself. “I broke it off with Ashlynn, and this is numbing everything I feel about it. I don’t need your judgment.”
Chase’s eyes go wide. “You broke it off with Ashlynn? Why?”
I keep asking myself that same question. I thought I had good reasons, but they were all baseless. “I, honestly, would rather not talk about it.”
Chase just nods his head, respecting me enough not to push. “Well, should we get you back home, then. You have other competitions coming up.”
Letting out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding, I say, “Cancel them all. I’m not in the right state of mind right now.”
Chase just shakes his head at me. “You can’t cancel them all; you have to get back on your bike and ride these emotions out.”
I shut my mouth and stay quiet, trying not to say something I’ll regret. I did enough of that 2 weeks ago. “I have to get ready to go down to the police station and talk to them about charges for the assault on Ashlynn.” I tell Chase.
My team knows what happened with her and about the stalker, but they don’t know the aftermath that I created. “Do you want me to drive you down there? You shouldn’t be driving and should stop drinking since you are going to talk to the police, you dumb ass.” Chase says.
I give my first genuine smile.
After I get ready, I let Chase drive me down to the station. He stays in the car while I go in. Once inside, Officer Lorenzo is heading down the hall with Ashlynn by him. Officer Coleman spots me. “Anthony, we were worried you weren’t going to make it!”
I give him a quick smile and follow him down the hallway. Once in the room, Ashlynn won’t even look at me, and I am pleading with my eyes for her to look over, but she doesn’t. After sitting in the room with the tension between Ashlynn and me, they bring in who I can only assume is Joanna’s father because he is decked out in full military gear. Shortly after that, Joanna comes in, along with a mediator. We are going this route to keep things under wrap for her father’s military ranking. They get right down to business. The officers fill in everyone in the room on what happened and the stay in the hospital Ashlynn had after the attack. Ashlynn looks up finally and I notice that she got bangs cut that sweep across her forehead to hide her scar. That crushes me, that she feels she now needs to hide her face.
The mediator reads off all the charges Joanna faces and asks Ashlynn if she agrees to everything that is read. Before Ashlynn can even get a word out to any of the charges, Joanna’s father chimes in, “Jesus, Joanna, I thought we were past this behavior.”
After Joanna’s father’s outburst, I look over to her, and she manages to sink even further into her chair, whispering, “I’m sorry, sir.”
I am floored by what comes out of Ashlynn’s mouth next. “I don’t want to press charges. I just want a restraining order and for Joanna to get the help she needs and for everyone to move on from this.”
I am pissed that Ashlynn doesn’t want to press charges. Right then, Officer Lorenzo is waving his hand in front of my face because I zoned out. “Anthony Ville, we will also grant you a restraining order.” The mediator tells me this.
Once everything is decided, Ashlynn speaks up. “Officer Coleman, am I able to say something to Joanna?”
He’s taken aback by this request, but nods his head. Ashlynn goes over and kneels right in front of Joanna, who is sobbing quietly. “Joanna, I want you to know that I forgive you, okay? Take care of yourself.”