Page 113 of Truck Me
My brothers look at me like they want to protest. Family always comes first in our house, and if there’s a chance Rayne is our blood, they want to know. I get it. I want to know too.
But I refuse to force it on her.
I’ve fucked up enough lives and I’m not going to be responsible for more damage.
I hope she chooses to find out. And hope even more that she’s truly mine.
* * *
With a heavy sigh, I fall into the chair in my small living space. I’m both emotionally and physically drained after spending the evening with my family. I knew that conversation would be hard, but my expectations were very different.
I underestimated the loyalty and support I’d get from my brothers. I should have known they’d stand by my side and support whatever decision I made, even if they didn’t agree with it.
Bullet walks over to me and nudges my hand with her nose. I rub her head and then scratch under her chin where she likes it. She lets out a low whine and wags her stubby tail.
I groan, knowing I don’t get to relax just yet. “You need to go out, girl?”
She hops on her feet and spins in a circle. Then she hunches down at my feet and growls.
I chuckle. “That’s a yes then.”
Pushing to my feet, I grab my coat and head toward the back door. Bullet is nudging her way past me before I even get the door open. She earns her namesake the moment the door is open by taking off into the darkness like a bullet.
While she’s running around in the open field behind my house, I take a seat on the edge of the patio and lean back on my hands. My mind wanders to thoughts of Charlotte. I can’t help but imagine what kind of life we could have had if I hadn’t royally fucked things up.
I can’t say I’d go back in time and never sleep with Carol. If Rayne is my daughter, I’d never change that fact or wish her out of existence. She’s too special to me. No matter what happens with her, I will always love Rayne and think of her as mine.
But I would tell Charlotte the truth before I let anything physical happen between us. She deserved to know the truth before taking that step with me. Maybe she would have walked away forever, but at least it would have been before I fell in love with her. Then my heart would have been spared this never-ending ache.
Bullet lets out a high-pitched bark, then takes off around the corner of the house before I can react.
“Bullet! Where are you going?” She barks a few more times, sounding further away with each one. I push to my feet and follow her. “Bullet! Get back here.”
Then I hear it. A cry followed by what I think is my name, and it sounds like Rayne.
I take off toward the trail that leads to the Weber’s house. Rayne’s cries get louder. When I finally reach her, she collapses to the ground. I sweep her up in my arms and inspect her tear-streaked face.
“What happened?”
“Grandpa!” she cries. “He’s really angry.”
“Where’s Charlotte?”
She sniffles and takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself enough to speak. “She tried to stop him, but he hit her. He hit Grandma too.”
“Okay. I need to put you down. Can you run to Grams’ house?”
She nods. When I set her on her feet, I turn to my dog. “Bullet, go with her.”
Bullet lets out a single quick bark and takes off with Rayne as if she understood every word I said. As soon as they are out of sight, I take off for the house.
The back door is wide open, so I run in. “Charlotte?”
“We’re in here!” she replies.
I take off toward her voice. She’s in the living room, standing on one side of the coffee table with her hand held out while her dad is pacing on the opposite side. Lois is curled into a ball on the couch, crying.
“Jim,” I say his name with authority. He abruptly stops and looks at me.