Page 127 of Truck Me

“He wouldn’t,” I say with more force. “He … Fuck.” I drop my forehead to the counter and bang it a few times.

“And why wouldn’t he?” Sierra nudges me.

“Because I’m pretty sure he loves me,” I whisper.

“Bingo.” She cuts my grilled cheese sandwich in half and hands me the plate. “Now, admit it.”

“Admit what?” I frown.

She stares at me like I just asked her the dumbest question ever. My shoulders sag and I take a deep breath before I look down at where my hands are clenched together on my lap.

“I love him too.”

“Finally.” She points half of her grilled cheese sandwich toward the couch. “Now go get your phone so we can find out if he’s Rayne’s baby daddy.”

“Fine.” I push to my feet. “Why are you being so mean to me?”

“I’m not being mean. It’s called tough love. I’ve left you alone for three days. You’ve sulked long enough. Now it’s time for action.”

I dig my phone out from under the couch cushion. Once it’s unlocked, I open the messaging app. Squeezing my eyes closed, I take another deep breath before I open the message from my mom and read it out loud.

Mom

We got the results. Garret is Rayne’s biological father. As you can imagine, Rayne is ecstatic. She loves him so much. I know this has to be hard on you, but please call us when you get this.

I stare at it for several moments, reading the words over and over again. I wait for the pain and heartache to hit me. But it doesn’t come. I’m happy for them both.

“Well?” Sierra nudges my arm. I look over at her, surprised to see she’s standing next to me. I didn’t even hear her move.

“I expected to be upset by this result. But I’m not. I thought it would mean the end for Garret and me. I’m not sure what to do with this feeling of happiness. It’s so unexpected.”

“You know what I think?”

I snort. “Why are you asking? You’re going to tell me even if I say no.”

“True enough.” Her smile grows as she wraps her arm around my shoulder and gives me a side hug. “I think you need to read your sister’s side of things. You brought the journals she wrote about Garret in. Read them. Listen to her side. Maybe then, your heart will lead you home.”

I drop my head on her shoulder and sigh.

Home.

A few months ago, I thought Chicago would be my forever home. Now that I’ve moved back to Beaver, I know that’s where I belong.

Now I just need to come to terms with what my mind is telling me and what my heart wants. Only then will I truly find my place in this world.

* * *

Two days later, I leave Chicago before the sun is up and make the long drive back to Beaver. I only stopped once to get gas and use the restroom, so I made good time.

I’m tired and hungry and would love nothing more than to eat some junk food and sleep the rest of the day away.

But there’s something I have to do first.

I pull into Beaver’s cemetery a little after noon. Even though I haven’t been back here since the day we buried Carol, I know exactly where to go. The image of driving up to her headstone for the first time will be forever etched in my brain.

I park my car next to the black wrought-iron fence that separates each section and stare at her headstone. I would’ve thought that after all this time, being here would be easier. But it’s not. A part of me wonders if the pain of losing my sister will ever lessen.

It’s gotten easier to deal with it as the years have passed, but the pain is as strong as ever.